tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41330832011-09-25T20:02:48.103-07:00Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.comBlogger4741100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-19993283593641087622008-08-13T22:38:00.000-07:002008-08-13T22:51:35.745-07:00

I had to go to dinner tonight with a group of people, some of whom I hadn't met before and others for whom I didn't really care prior to this dinner.Things did not improve tonight. I was subjected to three of the most pretentious quotes I've ever heard all within a span of a few minutes. My head was spinning trying to remember them just so I could spit them out verbatim. These people are lucky I

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-43186589977682560292008-07-29T17:25:00.001-07:002008-07-29T17:52:27.820-07:00

I know, Internet. It's been a while, but the only thing that keeps me coming back is my hatred for that giant yellow tag. I said "tag," with a T; this is not about you, George Takei.So, I was doing some shopping for other things at the Target near the Best Buy today, so I figured I'd stop in because, although I hate it, I had read that they were having a sale on assorted comedy DVDs for $5. I

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-17130731577860606192007-08-09T16:53:00.001-07:002007-08-09T16:58:55.931-07:00

So, I came home from work just now to find my apartment smelling - strongly - of bacon. Now, I don't know if it means a faerie is hiding in my cupboard or I'm being haunted by the fattest ghost to ever exist, but I'm simultaneously alarmed and overjoyed.I mean, it's bacon. I could come back to find it smelling like something terrible: mold, shit, sweaty taint. But I come back to find it

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-32595543849814516952007-07-18T16:51:00.000-07:002007-07-18T17:08:04.399-07:00

The guy who parks next to me in my apartment complex is a goddamn douche bag. He parks like frat boys wear hats: crooked and like a fucking DOUCHE BAG. And it's not like he drives some big car that's hard to park. It's some early 90s Nissan Sentra piece of shit that's filled with garbage and assholes. By the way, my memoir will be called Garbage and Assholes: A Tale of Courage...and Assholes.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-80138072966032831032007-07-12T16:45:00.000-07:002007-07-12T16:49:11.996-07:00

Well, if you're me and you have a black guy sitting behind you, it's this."Harry Potter? That nigga like 30."

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-37135649131750417662007-04-09T20:43:00.000-07:002007-04-09T20:53:17.980-07:00

Tonight at the grocery store, while I was purchasing generic Cookie Crisp (Chip Mates), the cashier guy let his freak flag fly. I look off to the side as he starts to scan my goodies and I see this girl leaving. I take note and don't avert my gaze because she's wearing a half shirt and low-rider jeans. It's pleasant enough.Joe Albertsons notices and this conversation happens.JOE ALBERTSONSYou

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-49545658536147089722007-04-07T01:28:00.000-07:002007-04-07T01:32:59.971-07:00

I went to the Magic Castle tonight in Hollywood for a friend's birthday and as we were going to leave, I overheard the best exchange. There was this older magician guy, really sleazy looking, hitting on these two young girls sitting waiting for the valet to return with their car. It was obvious, to me, that he had no chance with them, but I don't think it was obvious to him. Well, that is

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-46255122053507326522007-03-28T19:42:00.000-07:002007-03-28T21:44:42.534-07:00

It sounds like I'm making it up, but I'm not. Michael Jackson wants to build a giant, 50 foot robot of himself that shoots lasers to roam the Las Vegas desert. I'm sorry, maybe you didn't catch that. Michael Jackson wants to make a giant robot of himself that he'll let loose in the Las Vegas desert. And it shoots lasers.I want to know how it will work. Will it be one of those things he sits

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-3005591607890646182007-03-23T16:29:00.000-07:002007-03-23T16:32:58.375-07:00

I realize it's a cop out when I do this, but at least this video will be more entertaining than the last. This video is the reason I love life.It's the PG rated version of the trailer for the movie 300. Enjoy.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-80638010910970086412007-03-18T21:02:00.000-07:002007-03-18T21:06:10.550-07:00

I won't make fun of him. He makes my heart happy and that's saying a lot if you know my heart. If you do know my heart, by the way, please ask him if he's been fucking my liver. I think it's pregnant.Here he is.I don't care if he's an act or not, it's goddamn beautiful. The look on his face when he's playing couldn't be greater.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-65643343016038647152007-03-14T20:38:00.000-07:002007-03-14T22:06:10.232-07:00

Phil Collins was a man ahead of his time. Granted, the words to his song bearing the same name having nothing to do with this post, but I just thought I'd mention it. Invisible Touch? Genius and about telekinesis. The only other song about telekinesis that I know is It's Raining Men.On to the meat of this thing. I have a tattoo that says exactly that a couple inches below my belly button.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-11409754722687952452007-03-11T20:33:00.000-07:002007-03-11T20:46:17.744-07:00

I went to Vegas this past weekend and I saw midgets. I didn't just see a midget. I saw many midgets. I realize that using the m-word to refer to them is rude, but they can't read anyway, so they'll never know what I'm saying about them.First, I saw one--and I wish I would have taken a picture because it sounds made up--dressed like a leprechaun. He had a microphone and was trying to get

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-90503006612888907742007-02-28T19:33:00.000-08:002007-02-28T19:58:02.037-08:00

Yeah. The title. I know.Sean "Diddy" Combs, producer of such songs as "I'm Sad You Got Shot and Died," and "Too Bad Bullets Ain't Made of Chocolate Chips Instead," was accused of battery by a real estate agent in Los Angeles.I only glanced over the story because reading is a sign of infertility, but I think I know how this transpired.INT. HOLLYWOOD HOTEL - MORNINGDIDDY, a man monetarily wealthy

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-44642170330723808242007-02-27T21:03:00.000-08:002007-02-27T22:38:04.011-08:00

Fidel Castro, who has seemed so close to death the past year or so that the Cuban people carry pinatas and party hats in the trunks of their cars, has once again announced that he isn't dying any time soon.That's where I've been the past week and a half: investigating internationally. I don't just Photoshop silly pictures of Britney Spears; I'm all detective-y and shit.I learned just how it is

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-87684641226051990392007-02-18T18:08:00.000-08:002007-02-18T18:14:31.406-08:00

Not content to sit idly by with some dead lady hogging all the spotlight, Britney Spears took it upon herself and a child-safe pumpkin-carving knife to get all the attention she so desires. But I'm sure you heard about that.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-79599951347836911822007-02-11T22:20:00.000-08:002007-02-10T13:44:37.806-08:00

But equally as cute!It's like adorable pulled out and shot its load onto a rainbow's back.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-39718019879639367882007-02-10T12:11:00.000-08:002007-02-10T12:35:01.392-08:00

I've known for a long time that I was a spaz. Going back to my childhood when I would "Mac out." What's that? You ask. It's self-explanatory, really. See, when I would get angry, I would have to tap into something that was in me, but on a completely other side of my personality. I would "Mac out" and then I'd flail my arms wildly at my older brother, most times.But where did its name come

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-31524508405299764732007-02-08T17:23:00.000-08:002007-02-05T19:32:20.800-08:00

Do you remember where you were? I know I remember exactly where I was when 9/11 happened. I can recount in detail where I was with the Challenger disaster and now this. I mean, it must be on the same scale the way I heard it. A few of us at work were waiting for the elevator to go down to lunch when the doors opened and out rushed a Trinidadi fella I work with."Did you guys hear?"Oh shit,

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-67091431157883252622007-02-05T18:52:00.000-08:002007-02-05T19:10:05.269-08:00

Driving home from work tonight, I was accosted by a vaguely foreign-looking fella in the car next to me. So, I turn my head while I'm sitting at the light to see who is admiring my visage at this moment and I see this guy with his pale skin, buggy eyes and unkempt 70s afro staring at me, his eyes shining like a bat with a bad sense of direction.I know that look. It's the

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-40968173112743195132007-02-04T19:19:00.000-08:002007-02-05T19:32:20.978-08:00

So, the other day I was checking an order I made on Amazon trying to find out when it would arrive and I found out what was taking so long.If you can't see that, it says that my package was scanned upon arrival in Burbank at 3:59 and 59 seconds on December 31, 1969. My towels are almost antiques! I mean, Abraham Lincoln could have used them; they are made out of log cabins.It's like that movie

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-73397696681717077732007-02-03T16:27:00.000-08:002007-02-03T16:29:34.319-08:00

Who doesn't want a skateboard possessed by an old Jewish guy? Jews just know skating. Tony Hawk's real name is Tony Hawkbergenstein.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-42183164179091636782007-02-02T18:18:00.000-08:002007-02-02T18:32:27.211-08:00

Last week's question:A centaur walks into a bar, says something to the bartender, to which the bartender replies by pulling out a gun and pointing it at the centaur. The centaur responds, "Thank you." And exits. How much money was in the centaur's pocket?The only guess was that centaurs don't have pockets. That is wrong, however. Centaurs found pockets thousands of years ago beneath the magical

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-22631567461076629262007-02-01T17:36:00.000-08:002007-02-01T18:15:29.909-08:00

'Super Tonio' is the nickname given to a big-ass baby born in the Spring Break capital of the world, Cancun, Mexico. He weighed 14.5 pounds at birth and he was born fully clothed eating an Ultimate Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box.The doctors say he was born by Caesarean section, but it's not the Caesarean section many of you may be familiar with. He actually conquered Rome in the womb and

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-78612152276177705342007-01-31T17:47:00.000-08:002007-01-31T17:56:53.397-08:00

I panic. I choke. I can't do it. I've got a split second in which to reply to some stranger and I always screw it up somehow. When I got home from work tonight, I opened the gate from my apartment parking lot only to see some red-haired fella I'd never seen before in my life walking toward me. I made eye contact because how can you not help but stare at those freakish gingers? I was holding

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-88314187760696075412007-01-30T19:58:00.000-08:002007-01-30T21:12:55.750-08:00

With the influx the past few years of various superhero-related films and television shows, I figure that it's about time I throw my hat into the ring. I present to you The Eh? Men. Yeah, that's all I could come up with.SnapzOrigin: His mother and father loved each other very much and decided to have a child. That child is his brother. Snapz was an accident.Powers: He snaps really hard and

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-48938792392158463532007-01-29T18:24:00.000-08:002007-01-29T18:49:11.504-08:00

What makes a grown man more excited than the prospect of unlimited all-you-can-hump time with the lady of his choosing?And it's fucking delicious.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-37682486277096136572007-01-28T17:12:00.000-08:002007-01-28T17:13:13.637-08:00

ADORABLE!

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-83517643159758993752007-01-27T16:44:00.000-08:002007-01-28T17:02:09.970-08:00

Yeah. Sorry. Shut up. I'm catching up.Here's last Friday's Super Stumper.Rearrange the letters in the following phrase to form my first words as a baby.IS IT A SERPENT, ED?There were some good guesses, much more appropriate and funny than that which I originally conceived. They were: I seen tits raped, Trade Penis Site, Penis Aid Street, and my personal favorite, Diet Penis Tears.I think it

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-9338843843374478292007-01-26T14:57:00.000-08:002007-01-26T15:38:28.656-08:00

As you all are undoubtedly aware, I'm a genius. It's science; just like how dolphins can see through walls. Every idea I have is good and better than anything anybody else has had. That's why I've decided to lend my genius to web design. Occasionally I will highlight certain sites and what they can do to improve their websites.Today I will focus on the main page of the White House,

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-84364135399152765172007-01-25T18:50:00.000-08:002007-01-25T18:52:59.344-08:00

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-57346500099107442612007-01-24T18:21:00.000-08:002007-01-24T18:42:03.584-08:00

A news site I visit often linked to this page which has a transcription of a Mormon guide to self-prevention of masturbation.I love it so much. I pasted it in its entirety here, but, really, there isn't much I can add that would make this funnier. In fact, you all can have at it in the comments. Though I will take one for myself.Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-28256296373729915442007-01-23T17:04:00.000-08:002007-01-23T17:24:00.149-08:00

The President's sixth State of the Union address is tonight and I've decided to write a speech for him the same way he would--as a Mad Lib done by a child.Using excerpts of last year's speech as a template, here's how I feel it should go. The substituted words are in red.The State of the Union 2007Every time I'm invited to this bar mitzvah, I'm humbled by the boogers, and mindful of the peepee

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-60013850490945834842007-01-22T17:00:00.000-08:002007-01-22T17:41:17.751-08:00

Hopefully this becomes a semi-regular thing. I'm going to conceptualize and sometimes write commercials for products that probably would do themselves a favor by adopting my marketing ideas. I'll be glad to take product suggestions as I would love to lend my genius to companies deemed fit by the masses to receive such a gift.Here's the first. You'll find out what the product is.INT. KITCHEN -

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-40918570111115317222007-01-21T19:21:00.000-08:002007-01-21T19:43:45.581-08:00

This video hits very close to home. The first time I ever dropped a deuce in a public bathroom, I was terribly disappointed when candy didn't drop from the ceiling. To this day I still look at a nonexistent camera and say, "Yatai!" when I finish. If anything, it at least lets the next guy know I'll be out in a minute; I just need to wave goodbye to my adorable turd.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-8053793232965740152007-01-20T15:32:00.000-08:002007-01-20T16:36:14.977-08:00

When I was in sixth grade there was this huge motherfucker named Tanner (heretofore to be known as such). Tanner was that kid who hit puberty when he was eight and could grow a full beard by 11. Teachers were afraid of him. And, to top it off, he was an assholiolio. That's made-up Italian for asshole.I was very small in junior high. I was the exact opposite of Tanner. But I was lucky and I

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-74272791954269574032007-01-19T22:11:00.000-08:002007-01-20T10:34:20.630-08:00

First, I'll recap last week's question.A man lies dead in a room. He's covered in paint. There are no doors and one window, but that window is 40 feet in the air. There's a hairbrush, a National Enquirer and a pouch of half-eaten Big League Chew on the ground. In the man's wallet is an unfilled prescription for heart medication. There's a gun in the corner with no bullets fired from it because

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-88999236662185577472007-01-18T19:46:00.000-08:002007-01-18T20:20:46.980-08:00

Donald Trump, finally recognized for his amazing contribution to the business of show, recently received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.Known for his boastful nature, the Trump addressed the crowd."I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that this moment right now is the single most important event to happen in the history of all existence.""This star, the one you see on the ground

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-23731804795854188902007-01-17T20:48:00.000-08:002007-01-17T21:07:00.034-08:00

Okay, that title sounds a lot grosser than I intended.When I was a kid I always wanted to carry soup in a thermos to school, but I never did. It always seemed so cool to me. One lucky child who wasn't me would sit down, unscrew the top to their thermos and pull out a spoon and I fucking knew what was coming."What do you have there?""Oh, nothing. Just some soup in my Thermos instead of a normal

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-24259123886989620942007-01-16T18:29:00.000-08:002007-01-16T19:10:20.156-08:00

I like your hat. It looks like something I would wear if I wore hats. Why don't I wear hats? My head is shaped weird. It's like a pile of mashed potatoes filled with Skittles and Milk Duds. While that sounds delicious, it is anything but uniform in shape.Back to your hat, though. I like it. You look like one of those kids who stands on the corner yelling, "Extry! Extry! Read all about it

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-35560703329940749292007-01-15T08:51:00.001-08:002007-01-15T19:00:14.100-08:00

I worked on that title for like five minutes and that's what I came up with, so how about you guys stop judging me and, instead, screw off, hot shots? That's the way Dr. King would have wanted it.Some more people were hanged in Iraq for being brown and knowing other brown people. But, this one was a little more fun. Saddam's half-brother, Barzan al-Tikriti was hanged, but his shoes were too

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-69529694711808983142007-01-14T17:13:00.001-08:002007-01-14T17:18:35.717-08:00

I don't want to write anything today, so, instead you all get this video which struck me as very, very funny. Maybe it was just the right timing, but I found this to be one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time and I can't really explain why.Please watch until the end.Catch you on the flip side, 2005!

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-56832405201720602542007-01-13T15:26:00.000-08:002007-01-13T12:41:13.775-08:00

I don't know where it came from, but all of a sudden I just got this "song" in my head called, "Boom! Get That Mail, Bitch!"Now, it's not an actual song in that it doesn't really exist outside of what's behind my face, but it is a great song. It's kind of like mid-90s party music. Here's how it goes:Boom!Get that mail, bitch!Yeah, get that mail, bitch!Boom Boom!Get that mail, bitch!Yeah, get

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-40215385057170618772007-01-12T15:12:00.000-08:002007-01-12T15:20:39.972-08:00

When I was in GATE as a child, we would have something every Friday called the Super Stumper. When we got into class, the problem, normally some sort of riddle, would be up on the board and the first one to answer it correctly throughout the day would get to take home the trophy for the weekend.Well, I answered the last Super Stumper ever, so I got to keep the trophy. Forever. I still fucking

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-67170557204303634492007-01-11T20:22:00.000-08:002007-01-11T21:17:39.285-08:00

10. Waffle irons9. Fluorescent windbreakers8. The Treaty of Ghent7. Amniocentesis6. "Me? You should have seen the other guy!"5. Area 514. Two dimes, three nickels, four pennies and one quarter3. Belize2. A guy in a shark costumeAnd...1. The number 2

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-58282331677651858132007-01-10T20:29:00.000-08:002007-01-10T21:29:41.834-08:00

There once lived a boy named George. His daddy was one of the strongest daddies of all the daddies in the whole wide world. Little George was made fun of because his ears stuck out a little and he wasn't the smartest child in his class.As he grew up, George would look at his daddy, so strong and smart, and tell himself that one day he'd be just like his daddy. Then he'd accidentally poop in

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-18631009299466107082007-01-09T18:12:00.000-08:002007-01-09T20:45:22.891-08:00

This is the showdown we've been waiting for since 1997's Batman & Robin. Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced his plans to fight Global Warming."To quote myself from the 1997 ultra-blockbuster Batman & Robin in which I played diabolical supergenius Mr. Freeze, 'You're not sending ME to the COOLER!' Global Warming.""Wait, no. At first I will be like, 'Ice to see you.' Next I have to let Global

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-76937344983830797402007-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:002007-01-08T16:26:08.321-08:00

Sorry Kurt couldn't be at school on Monday - motherfucker got gout n' shit.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-82823129982577289342007-01-07T12:31:00.000-08:002007-01-07T07:38:03.520-08:00

I need to know if I'm a racist.Last night, I was with some friends and we were pulling up in front of his apartment complex after we were finished hanging out. It wasn't too late; I work Sundays. So, we pull up and we sit there for a minute saying goodnight--handjob daisy chain, etc.--and when I open my door to get out (I was in the back right), a black guy walks up to the door.Startled at first,

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-214333610585576952007-01-06T11:11:00.000-08:002007-01-06T11:28:13.081-08:00

I had a strange dream last night. I don't remember much about it, but I do remember that I was participating in wrestling. Not Greco-Roman wrestling, but professional wrestling, like Hulk Hogan-type stuff. Yes, that's possibly homo-erotic, but I think when you see where this is going, you'll agree that I'm not gay, just afraid of dinosaurs.The guys I was wrestling against all had baby arms.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-86390064324104771742007-01-05T10:03:00.000-08:002007-01-05T10:23:13.677-08:00

No, I'm not talking about muffins made from malt liquor. I'm talking about the goddamn Entenmann's English muffins that I bought from Ralph's no less than a week ago. Well, like one of those time-lapse videos you see of mold growing on various shit, as soon as I set that six-pack of delicious on top of my fridge, the mold started growing in fast forward. I got to eat three before the rest of

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-34822468118158491442007-01-04T17:22:00.000-08:002007-01-04T17:37:39.290-08:00

I had a really weird thing happen at work today. As you all know, I can't go pee at urinals because I don't like the idea of somebody staring at my back while I'm urinating. So, I went in the bathroom and entered the first stall and it stunk. Now that's kind of normal for a men's restroom. But this is when things got weird. Not only did it stink, but, as I was standing above the toilet

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-77402695639212397092007-01-03T18:50:00.000-08:002007-01-03T19:08:16.762-08:00

CNN recently accidentally captioned a photo of Osama Bin Laden with the phrase, "Where's Obama?" Barack Obama, the likely presidential candidate, has recently accepted their apology for this slip-up, but not without noting that, "the 's' and 'b' keys aren't all that close to each other."All of this commotion is coming from a guy whose middle name is actually Hussein. I think he has other things

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-61991692855503568802007-01-02T17:08:00.000-08:002007-01-02T17:37:44.992-08:00

Well, I know I'm two days late, but starting today I'm going to post at least once a day for the next year (extenuating circumstances not withstanding). I'm not promising it's going to be good, but it's going to be something.Sure, maybe I'll forget one day, but when I remember, I'll backdate like a motherfucker and make it look like I'm posting on that day. Nobody will ever know. Besides, 80%

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-90287136154750814112006-12-31T00:01:00.000-08:002006-12-30T22:13:26.971-08:00

I am a filthy fucking homeless man. I have a rash. Who gets rashes? Homeless men and me, that's who. What kind of scabies-having bag of disgusting am I? Seriously, nothing makes me feel dirtier than having a rash except when I pay hookers to squeeze out a Cleveland steamer on my chest (Thanks, Tenacious D). But even that doesn't make me break out in a rash like this. It's basically on my

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-31355121039769762602006-12-28T22:44:00.000-08:002006-12-28T22:53:28.576-08:00

When I got home from work today, I noticed this on my next door neighbor's door.If you can't read it, it says, "Adam, Will you please not walk around your apartment at 4:00 in the morning? Thanks."The day that I moved in, there was a similar note on his door asking that he not walk around his apartment between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am. Now, I haven't heard him walk around, but I've seen him

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-69392873924345217362006-12-24T17:12:00.000-08:002006-12-24T17:32:26.016-08:00

I'm not being sarcastic.I hate places. You all know that. Places suck and people in them are even worse. But tonight, the Firestone on Ventura Blvd in North Hollywood, California is my favorite place in existence.See, on my way to work today--yes, work today, Christmas Eve--I heard a rattling/banging coming from my truck bed. I didn't really worry about it until after work when it seemed to

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-55127780697894666312006-12-18T19:37:00.000-08:002006-12-18T19:59:12.549-08:00

If I try to do anything for my loyal readers, it's provide a service. Whether it's with a recipe, a knowing smile, or helping you to walk your groceries to your car and accidentally rubbing my fingers on your lady-dent, I try to help. Therefore, I know some of you still haven't completed your Christmas shopping and still need ideas and that's what I shall provide.Take a sheet of paper, draw a

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-13670830968642486022006-12-17T21:38:00.000-08:002006-12-17T21:41:10.879-08:00

First, please watch this video. Warning: It's filled with fucking morons being fucking morons.And here's how I imagine this happened.Okay, you know my roof, right?Yeah. What about it? It's high. Like 10 feet.12 feet. Yeah. So, how about I hold you awkwardly upside down with your nose near the crack of my ass and stand on the roof?Okay, I'm with you and this sounds awesome, but I think we can

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-66695598037256191222006-12-06T20:50:00.000-08:002006-12-06T21:00:14.778-08:00

Everybody likes party hats, like those one wears at a birthday party, but I think that they should have funeral hats. Instead of the conical shape of the party hat, it would be a tiny tombstone with a chinstrap.That way, when you're at the grocery store picking up some more 7-Up for the service and you're all dressed up, you won't run into somebody you know at the store who doesn't realize that

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-90728098431549643022006-12-02T18:59:00.000-08:002006-12-02T19:00:55.250-08:00

Happy Birthday to you and maybe a surprise guest stops by to say hello as well.Also, if you would like to invest in the items whose prototypes you see herein, I will be more than happy to entertain offers.If you want to share the video, you can use this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH6ZaPsd9j4

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-77077522296375836572006-12-02T14:26:00.000-08:002006-12-02T15:24:12.379-08:00

So, I just went to the grocery store and I only needed to buy two things. I bought an 8-pack of Irish Spring and a microwavable container of chicken noodle soup. I wanted to tell the cashier that I was buying things in alphabetical order.Hilarious! Soap and soup, get it? Those are very close! He would have laughed so hard and I would have won the grocery store award for the funniest customer

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-83159259704029039982006-11-28T17:57:00.000-08:002006-11-28T19:15:55.840-08:00

Hot on the tar-and-feathered heels of the Michael Richards detonation of multiple N-bombs at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, some black leaders, whatever that means, have suggested banning the n-word altogether.I, for one, think this is a great idea. I mean, if it's banned, then people won't say it anymore. Why didn't they think of this before? While they're at it, they should also ban

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-38495807925663631172006-11-21T18:35:00.000-08:002006-11-23T20:57:49.422-08:00

David Blaine, that guy who used to do magic tricks, has one-upped himself yet again. He's managed to do something even more boring than sitting in ice for a week. In his latest not-a-thing, he was suspended in a gyroscope above the streets of New York city and then he was bound in chains and had to get out of them and land on some pillows.Okay, magicians, we fucking know you can get out of

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-77907530716867774832006-11-20T18:05:00.000-08:002006-11-20T18:26:16.060-08:00

Michael Richards, Kramer from television's Seinfeld, finally took the post-Seinfeld downward spiral of his career into his own hands over the weekend with a stand-up comedy routine at The Laugh Factory in which he dropped the N-bomb over and over again while also possibly inciting a lynching.Now that's what I want from my former television stars. You hear me, Jason Alexander? I don't want Bob

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-79803984294216382892006-11-17T22:42:00.000-08:002006-11-17T22:45:35.421-08:00

So, what's the deal with this president of ours, huh?I mean, really! It's like, come on.Also, how about those other current events? Those are interesting/unbelievable/sad/hysterical and/or frustrating. Aren't they?And those celebrities and their movies. They're driving me bananas or I am liking it!Sports!

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-69876444035368691612006-11-16T22:24:00.000-08:002006-11-16T22:55:17.009-08:00

O.J. Simpson, the man known worldwide for his Hertz commercials and co-starring roles in the Naked Gun films will be coming out with a book called "If I Did It" which is about some murders he was accused of committing some years ago. I'm not sure; I haven't really heard too much about this.The title of the book is something which I have decided to use to recount "fictional" happenings in my own

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-6224721412945648152006-11-07T18:13:00.000-08:002006-11-07T18:25:40.077-08:00

I could do those terrible headlines forever, but, you've probably heard, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline filed for divorce today.They cited irreconcilable differences, but, being election day, I know that it had to be purely political disagreements.This is how I imagine they got to this point.INT. BEDROOM - NIGHTBRITNEYHey, y'all, you sleeping?K-FEDWhat? Hmm? By the way, I'mjust one nigga.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-51811510542670007422006-10-28T17:13:00.000-07:002006-10-28T17:20:09.494-07:00

A study has been released stating that breastfeeding lowers mental health risks. Then how come when I try to suckle the teats of a woman on the subway, she calls me crazy? I'm just trying to fight it, lady. Now make with the liquid Prozac.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-58831546012111921572006-10-25T22:10:00.000-07:002006-10-25T22:35:27.160-07:00

Rush Limbaugh, right-wing talk show host, drug addict and Heffalump, recently claimed that in a campaign ad for a Missouri senate candidate, Michael J. Fox was acting in portraying his Parkinson's symptoms in order to sway voters to vote for her and her support of stem cell research.I think it's his best work since Back to the Future 3 when he had to pretend to play an 18-year-old when he was 30.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-54081969669608183832006-10-24T23:00:00.000-07:002006-10-24T22:57:36.256-07:00

For those of you unfamiliar with her, Fergie is the transvestite singer in the group The Black-Eyed Peas. You can see her (transvestites always like to be referred to using the female pronoun) on the right. She was on the children's television show Kid's Incorporated when she was a young boy and she followed her heart and stayed a performer.Well, who knew that that young boy would grow up to be

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-6703141307097070702006-10-23T17:21:00.000-07:002006-10-23T18:26:38.266-07:00

There's been a lot of speculation recently that Illinois Senator Barak Obama may run for President of the United States of America and half of Guam come 2008.Now, I don't know much about him, but I do know the platform on which he is running: Having an awesome name.It worked for Millard Fillmore and Rutherford B. Hayes, why can't it work for Barak Obama?That's why, as a gift for other potential

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-3915266895579734072006-10-16T22:14:00.000-07:002006-10-16T22:29:11.649-07:00

Sorry about the vague title.I know that normally Congressmen, Senators, Governors and other public servants wear coats and ties to work (or, for the ladies, lycra bodysuits), but I'm hoping to start a trend on casual Fridays with my newest political t-shirt designs. There is at least one of these that I actually want to make into a shirt.If you want to order any of these, contact me and I'll

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-85011057457941014812006-10-15T22:27:00.000-07:002006-10-15T22:52:46.638-07:00

Being October, it's only appropriate that I touch on the subject that "haunts" most people's minds this time of year (see how I did that? That's schooling): ghosts.I've mentioned before how ghosts can't exist because of the fact that there are no retarded ghosts. But, let's say that somebody did manage to meet a retarded ghost and my theory is disproven. Well, then it's time to do something

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-78421286769855784252006-10-12T22:05:00.000-07:002006-10-12T22:29:06.474-07:00

I was having a conversation with somebody at work today over Instant Messenger (because that's the only way I have conversations now--Instant Messenger and telegraph) and I realized that there are a lot of things that I want to make happen at some point in my life.For instance, I'm sitting with a group of people outside a Starbucks and they're having a conversation and I'm just sitting there

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-25604344925517561822006-10-10T19:26:00.000-07:002006-10-10T19:51:18.136-07:00

In a recent statement by White House spokesman Tony Snow, he has made it abundantly clear that the current President, George W. Bush, is not to be held responsible for the shortage of the delicious dessert on White House property."Taft had a notorious soft spot for pudding and neither him nor his staff did anything to rectify the situation. Where were you all 95 years ago when it first became a

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-40184313166508274712006-10-08T16:48:00.000-07:002006-10-08T17:03:13.875-07:00

I posted this a couple of days ago, and then felt like it may not be funny. But, after hearing from a couple of people, I'm putting it back up. You only have yourselves to blame.So, here's a video I made. I was inspired by all the other videos on YouTube of guys on their couch playing their guitar, except mine gets me so laid. I'll probably make other videos in the future if I feel like

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-13226582926926233272006-10-04T18:56:00.000-07:002006-10-04T19:16:41.419-07:00

You have a month to assemble the supplies; I have a month to repent for my sins.Let's begin.The stingray that killed Steve IrwinWhat you need:Sunglasses.T-shirt that reads, "Heartbreaker," or "You're welcome, crocodiles," or "I Heart Steve Irwin." That last one will work best.Stingray costume.Mark FoleyWhat you need:Boner.Computer.A pair of Underoos you must carry around

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-88554642764684878722006-10-02T21:08:00.000-07:002006-10-02T21:21:43.029-07:00

I thought long and hard, no pun intended, about that title. You bastards better appreciate it.If you haven't heard by now, there's been a big to-do in DC about this Republican Congressman, Mark Foley, and the filthy instant messages he has sent to teenage boys who worked as congressional pages.I was watching Scarborough Country tonight on MSNBC because I do everthing to the extreme, and he said

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-19479784949447759332006-10-01T21:20:00.000-07:002006-10-01T21:37:00.270-07:00

There's a new Tickle Me Elmo doll on the market and it's taking the world by storm. Its name? TMX. No. He's not a new, blinged-out, off-the-chain version of the old Elmo you're used to. He doesn't have mad rhymes and carry a gat as his name might suggest. TMX stands for Tickle Me Elmo Extreme which doesn't make sense at all. They should call it TMEE or TMEX or nothing at all!I don't get

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-17108895159125657662006-09-24T19:46:00.000-07:002006-09-24T19:57:24.280-07:00

If I ever opened up a comedy club in the Middle East, that's what I would call it: Jihahads.There's a car dealership in Columbus, Ohio after my own heart. Apparently they're advertising "Fatwa Friday" when they'll declare a "jihad on the US auto market."I don't see why people are so upset about this. From what I remember, there have been much more insensitive advertising campaigns.There was the

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-47394621659009888982006-09-21T19:29:00.000-07:002006-09-21T19:35:32.914-07:00

Just now on Jeopardy I was able to give the correct question when none of the contestants could.The clue: Appropriately, this word comes from the Greek words meaning "sharp" & "dull."How do you not know the answer to that if you have any knowledge of words? These are people that know names like Marc Chagall, Peepee the Sophisticated Turd Burglar and Alex Trebek, yet they don't know this?If you

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-6680205063972341472006-09-20T20:13:00.000-07:002006-09-20T20:27:53.370-07:00

This is the kind of stuff I think about before I fall asleep. As I was lying in bed last night, I couldn't get this idea out of my mind.A man and a woman are about to have sex for the first time. The man decides to try to use his way with words to keep the woman in the mood."Hey, baby. Why don't you take off them panties?"She does."Damn, girl. You have the pussy of an angel."Yeah. So, the

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-4969007828097959972006-09-18T20:09:00.000-07:002006-09-18T20:23:43.284-07:00

Second verse, same as the first. Not quite taking a page out of George Foreman's naming book, but similarly, Kevin Federline and Britney Spears have given their new son the same initials as their previous son, Sean Preston Federline. Immediately after naming their new son Sutton Pierce Federline, K-Fed had this to say:I gave 'em both da initials SPF because they gonna be needing all that

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-69467658407039422542006-09-16T11:15:00.000-07:002006-09-16T11:58:40.425-07:00

Apparently not me.This past Thursday was my birthday. Normally on my birthday I don't post anything about it because I don't want to appear to be pandering for the obligatory, "Happy birthday, faggot!" posts. But, this was no normal birthday.You, being not me and having normal friendships and relationships, would assume that, when you tell somebody that you hate something, they would refrain

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-75890389184618767902006-09-13T22:58:00.000-07:002006-09-13T23:06:16.274-07:00

You've managed to give birth to two separate children before I've had one birthday. You know why? Because you've got a vagina made out of class.They haven't announced the newborn boy's name yet, but may I suggest Wyatt Tre Ash Spears?

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-42055877635419912762006-09-10T19:13:00.000-07:002006-09-10T19:55:57.843-07:00

Google news, as some of you may know, is a site that aggregates all of the most popular news stories and sorts them in order of importance by how many stories there are about each topic. Well, since it's run by robots and no human is actually in charge of them, sometimes there are mistakes that work out for all of us.This is one of those.Granted, I did not click through to read the article, so

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-66054842926929037502006-09-08T17:34:00.000-07:002006-09-08T18:14:23.582-07:00

As you may know, Katie Couric has recently started to anchor the CBS Evening News. By the way, since she's a woman, I don't think she should receive the title of anchor. How about dinghy or arm floaties? She arm floaties the CBS Evening News. Well with her first act as the new arm floaty, she has asked you, the audience (I seriously doubt I share any demographics with evening news) to come up

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-50499893996669798112006-09-05T22:56:00.000-07:002006-09-05T23:17:25.140-07:00

Vanity Fair, the magazine that I've never read, but I assume by its name that it's about people dressed in corsets and knickers discussing their most recent bloodletting, will finally have the pictures nobody has been waiting for: Suri Cruise and two complete strangers.As you can see by the photo, she has Katie's eyes and L. Ron Hubbard's soul. The reason Tom is holding her in his jacket like so

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-36387676057950453572006-09-04T21:41:00.000-07:002006-09-04T22:18:15.759-07:00

I couldn't think of anything to write about since I can't bring myself to make fun of The Crocodile Hunter's death. So, as a tribute, I'll go old school in spades.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-51686524918689327362006-09-01T22:16:00.000-07:002006-09-01T23:04:47.506-07:00

Many people are familiar with so-called "classic" poetry such as Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken, O Captain My Captain by Walt Whitman, and Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss, but these are all works which have been deconstructed over and over by scholars throughout the world.That is why I have taken it upon myself to usher in a new era of poetry analyzation. Kicking off the series will be what I

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-61123976524560173082006-08-30T22:05:00.000-07:002006-08-30T22:06:48.046-07:00

Okay, so there's this. Apparently a picture was taken, as you can see, of John Travolta sharing a kiss with his "man-friend." Now, not that there's anything wrong with being a gay, but I must do this.I've decided to have my own headline contest concerning Mr. Travolta's questionable sexuality using plays on his television and movie titles.Get Shorty! Indeed! (When you say "Indeed" you raise

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156830186154016922006-08-28T22:26:00.000-07:002006-08-28T22:43:06.246-07:00

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156823816744442982006-08-28T20:51:00.000-07:002006-08-28T21:26:35.783-07:00

I realize that there is a lot going on in the world right now what with John Mark Karr being freed of charges in the JonBenet case, the Emmys taking place last night and The Little League World Series coming to a close, but there's something that's been bothering me for a long time and it was set in stone for me last Saturday.See, I had VH1 on in the background (I'm not justifying this, I'd have

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156819586332385882006-08-28T19:44:00.000-07:002006-08-28T19:46:26.366-07:00

I...couldn't...help....myself.Matthew Broderick fell off of a horse.

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156482552053349592006-08-24T21:44:00.000-07:002006-08-24T22:12:02.953-07:00

You've probably heard by now, but today it was officially ruled that Pluto is not a planet. I've been telling people this for years."Pluto isn't a planet." That quote is taken straight from five years ago--from me.People are upset that this is going to ruin the mnemonic that they learned when they were children to help them remember the order of the nine planets. I learned My Very Educated

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156312798677389812006-08-22T22:35:00.000-07:002006-08-22T22:59:58.766-07:00

In case you haven't heard, ten years ago a tiny swimsuit model/cowgirl/mermaid/hula dancer/Roaring 20's flapper named JonBenet Ramsey was found dead in her parent's house. Recently a man named John Mark Karr confessed to the world that it was he who was responsible, but her death was an accident.First, let me preface this by saying that I don't believe he did it, but that doesn't mean I can't

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1156124386426502632006-08-20T16:55:00.000-07:002006-08-22T20:10:34.100-07:00

Warning: It's another long one.Last night I went to my 10-year high school reunion. I wasn't one of those people who really stood out in high school aside from looking like a newscaster from the 1980s.Therefore, I wasn't sure how I felt about going. Granted, there were a couple of people I was hoping would show up so I could catch up with them, but, for the most part, I thought it would be five

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1155794032266058162006-08-16T22:23:00.000-07:002006-08-17T16:57:15.180-07:00

You know which state has the lowest self-esteem? West Virginia. I mean, look at its name. At least North Dakota and South Dakota and North Carolina and South Carolina are diametrically opposed to one another. But West Virginia is the state that wants to hang out at the party because she knows somebody."Hey, you guys. What are you doing? Is that weed? Are you smoking weed? Whatever. I've

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1155622779354122792006-08-14T22:16:00.000-07:002006-08-14T23:19:39.446-07:00

Warning: This one's long.This past Friday my mom came up from Mexico (where she lives) and so I drove down to Corona to meet with her, eat lunch, and help her to purchase a laptop from the Best Buy there.It starts out like any other Best Buy trip. We enter and pass by the guy at the front door who, at least half the time, tosses a grunt your way while he's trying to spit game to the girl who

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4133083.post-1154487500185351042006-08-01T19:39:00.000-07:002006-08-01T20:04:33.000-07:00

I rarely write two posts regarding the same topic in succession, but, in this case, I have to strike while the iron's hot.I have done some research and I've put my finger on what it is that spurred on Mel Gibson's drunken, Zion-bashing tirade. You really can blame it on the alcohol.See, Gibson, normally a Corona drinker, was disappointed to find out that the restaurant where he was eating was

Kurthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08690430060039082041noreply@blogger.com1