Hat: The Post!

Everybody likes party hats, like those one wears at a birthday party, but I think that they should have funeral hats. Instead of the conical shape of the party hat, it would be a tiny tombstone with a chinstrap.

That way, when you're at the grocery store picking up some more 7-Up for the service and you're all dressed up, you won't run into somebody you know at the store who doesn't realize that you're dressed up for a funeral and they won't say something embarrassing to you like, "Big date, huh? You want me to grab you some condoms?"

They'll see that paper tombstone on your head and know immediately to just buy the condoms for you and give them to you with a somber look on their face as they say, "I'm sorry about your loss. Go fuck the shit out of something."

FUNERAL HATS!