Supermarket Creep!

Tonight at the grocery store, while I was purchasing generic Cookie Crisp (Chip Mates), the cashier guy let his freak flag fly. I look off to the side as he starts to scan my goodies and I see this girl leaving. I take note and don't avert my gaze because she's wearing a half shirt and low-rider jeans. It's pleasant enough.

Joe Albertsons notices and this conversation happens.

JOE ALBERTSONS
You see that? Yeah. She's a regular. She comes in
here all the time.

Editor's note: Like I'm a fucking idiot and I have no idea what the hell a regular means.

ME
Yeah?

JOE ALBERTSONS
Yeah. She's always wearing some half-
shirt and no bra.

ME
...

JOE ALBERTSONS
It's pretty great. Those huge Double
Ds. It looks like she's horny all the time.
It's like she's smuggling 48 caliber bullets...

And he trails off while I silently scream inside my own face praying he stops talking about this before he starts jerking off with the tub of Country Crock I bought. Because that's why I bought it. It's for me.