Monday, October 27, 2003

Wild fires? Or are they misunderstood?

Here in Southern California the tenth circle of Hell has just recently opened up and starting swallowing cities one neighborhood at a time. Of course, every News Channel and non-news channel is covering this (I think the Food Network is running a special on how to cook outdoors or something). As with any news situation, there's only so much to say. Every channel tries to get their own angle on the story -and they all have some stupid name for it. Right now ABC is calling it "Firestorm" which is pretty misleading because it's not raining fire from the sky. Wouldn't that constitute a firestorm? I mean, that would be a whole hell of a lot cooler if that was the case.

Back to my point. This morning on the aptly named Today show (because it's happening TODAY), they had, of all people, Al Roker here in San Bernardino County covering the fires. I don't know what their thinking on all of this was. He's a meteorologist. If a meteor caused the fires, then he's your man, but I don't think that's how it happened. Again, that would be way cooler. So, exercising his vast journalistic ability, Al Roker asked an "Eyewitness" to the fire the following question: "So, what's the fire like?" I don't know what kind of answer he was looking for, but he got the answer that I would have given. "It's really really hot." Well, there you have it folks. Investigative journalism at its pinnacle. Al Roker, a previously chubby weatherman with the hard-hitting questions that you want to ask.

Al Roker will also be covering future "Stormwatch" and "Earthquake-storm-watch" happenings here in Southern California. He'll be asking some of your favorite questions like: "So, the rain, is it as wet as it seems?" and "Now, was the whole area shaking around you during the quake?". Al Roker, the reason weathermen stick to weather.

For things and stuff that I should write about (or for the Al Roker fans, not write about) e-mail me here.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Chew Toy!

In an apparently "really awesome" disappearing act, half of Roy's head managed to vanish out of sight and into the stomach of a 250 pound white tiger the other day.

So, Roy of the "Siegfried and Roy's International Steakhouse" chain of restaurants (and their magic act) has been hospitalized. It turns out that doing "magic" involving massive amounts of rare white tigers is a little on the dangerous side. Roy was mauled by one of the duo's white tiger's while performing on stage. This would have been the only time that I would have wanted to dole out the $100+ to see that show. I mean, imagine being able to watch somebody's who's been "asking for it the whole time" finally getting it. And I don't mean that in a gay way. He's been "getting it" in that department for years. And by department I mean the Men's Department at Macy's. And by Macy's I mean...nevermind.

Apparently Roy is in some sort of condition at the hospital. This condition ranges from good to serious or critical. I'm bad with medical terms. I am sure that being in the hospital is not a good thing, so it's probably one of the other ones. There's also the "Code Cinnamon" that I've heard of, but I think that was just on that gay porn I accidentally watched one time called "St. Ballhair".

I'm sure Siegfried is hanging out bedside with "Nip" and "Tuck" their two favorite white tigers. I just can't wait until the footage of that shows up on the internet. There has to be some sort of footage of Roy getting dragged around by his magical head.

Everytime I come around your city Bling Bling!

Any suggestions of what I should write about or comments in general (like don't write anymore) can be sent to Me here