Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Pretentious Fucks!!!

I had to go to dinner tonight with a group of people, some of whom I hadn't met before and others for whom I didn't really care prior to this dinner.

Things did not improve tonight.

I was subjected to three of the most pretentious quotes I've ever heard all within a span of a few minutes. My head was spinning trying to remember them just so I could spit them out verbatim. These people are lucky I was only armed with a butter knife and a stomach full of horse tranquilizers.

We were discussing dependence on technology:

You know, technology is supposed to make life easier, but it really only makes it more complex.
Which Dilbert cartoon did you take that from? That one simply annoyed me.

On the same topic:
Computers really are the end of civilization (said seriously).
Oh, you're so above it all, aren't you? You probably only know what a computer is because you heard your neighborhood newsy shouting about it on the street corner.

But this last one sent me over the edge. I mean, I love animals and all, but holy goddamn fucking, cunting shitballs cock twat.
I don't even call them animals. I mean, we're all animals aren't we? I call them my brothers and sisters.
Nothing I say can properly express the rage I felt when I heard this. First of all, no you don't. You don't say that, you fucking idiot. Nobody does. Imagine if you did.

"I can't go hang out tonight, man. My brother's sick and I have to make sure I'm there to feed him."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Sure you did. You've met Mister Perriwinkle Starfeathers before."

"Your cat is your brother? Well, it's a shame that I'm no longer friends with you as a result of you being a complete fucking moron."