And I Will Call Him Jesus!
I started this "blog" as a way for me to write something that strikes me as funny whenever I feel like it. What I would write would forever be kept in the annals of hell that is the internet; never to be heard from again, like Yahoo Serious. As you may have noticed I put quotation marks around the word "blog". This is my way of creating a faux distance from this tool as if I am somehow above it. I really think I'm much better than everything, including you. I don't mean to think these things, it's just that, well, you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" and that irritates me. Because this irritates me, it then --in turn-- means that I am better than you because you irritate me and not the other way around.
On a completely different note, I thought of something odd when I started to write this but it wouldn't let me use it as the title, it was too long:
Underwater hyper-active flourescent monkey gymnasts!
We chronicle the adventures of these five glow-in-the-dark primates as they travel the Seven Seas performing their tumbling routines all the while they try to oppress their attention deficit disorder (with hyper-activity at no extra charge!). Meet Zeke, Two-tone, Ray-Ray, Ernest Borgnine, and Mickey Mouse (no relation so I can't get sued. Seriously, that's just his name, you want him to change it? That's messed up).
I haven't worked out all the logistics of this, but it'll be huge. Trust me.
I live in California and right now we've got all that Governor-related business going on. I know you don't care --and by "you" I mean nobody since nobody will read this-- but here's my take on everything. I would love for us to get another Governor! I mean, Gray Davis has had a tough time, he could use the help. Imagine, all the other states have one Governor but California gets two. I guess that means we get one for each letter 'i' in the state's name. It's a good thing Mississippi doesn't employ this rule or they'd have like seven Governors. But Arnold and Gray Davis could beat any other pair of state's Governor's in a no-holds-barred steel-cage match.
On the same note, I swear to all that is holy in this world (i.e. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson and "Blue" from Old School) every time I hear some person in the media refer to Arnold Schwarzenegger as "The Governator" or anything like that, I cut off a finger. The women at the old-folks home are getting mighty low on fingers. Rose and Blanche are already out all ten, Sophia's down only two. You hear that folks at Fox News? You can save what's left of the hands of Estelle Getty if you will just stop trying to come up with clever names for Arnold if he became Governor. I mean, honestly, isn't it already funny enough that he's actually polling well? Do you actually have to try to interject some of your "humor" (see the quotes again? I'm a bastard) to actually add something to this story? It kills me and it's slowly killing the Golden Girls.
As my first entry, I'm rather proud of what I've got going here. It's long and strong and it's down to get the friction on! I don't know how to end this, I need to come up with something clever to sign off with. Here goes!
Keep those pot handles turned in!
If you have any suggestions as to what I should write about --and I mean anything-- send me an e-mail at dirtiestbastard@hotmail.com
