Monday, December 01, 2003

Mickey's Severed Head!

Have you ever had to set a mousetrap? I'm not talking about those new-fangled glue traps where the mouse gets stuck on it and tries to gnaw off its own leg. No. I'm talking about the old school mousetraps. The mousetraps that look like medieval torture devices.

They're scary as hell.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a complete and total stud in all aspects of manlihood. But, oh my God if I didn't almost pee my pants trying to set that thing. And I had to do two of them! It's scary because the stupid thing is more sensitive than a fat girl at a dance. I don't even know if that analogy made sense, I just wanted to say 'fat girl at a dance'. Anyway, now I know where the expression comes from about building a better mouse trap because there's no way in my life I'm setting another mouse trap. I'll buy some nightvision goggles and a beebee gun to hunt them down instead of setting another mouse trap.

I also think I was afraid of it because the traps that I got looked all rusted and tuberculosis-inducing. They were in a package and everything, but I think they were recycled or somebody left them out in the rain or something. If that thing slapped shut on my hand (which it tried to do like nine times), I know for sure I would have had to go get a tetnis shot, rabies, AIDS (the new AIDS shot, coming soon), and a pink eye shot. That thing was more disease ridden than (insert skanky girl name from your high school, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, or Pamela Anderson's name here).

This has been a friendly public service announcement reminding you not to ever set a mouse trap because they're very scary and will probably result in you crying a lot because you're not quite as manly as I am.

Email me here for story ideas, suggestions, or to agree with me on just how frightening mouse traps are.

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