Monday, February 02, 2004

You Got Served!

So, in what I'm sure will go down in "The New Bible" as the first sign of the Apocalypse, the movie -nay, gritty independent film- "You got Served" starring none other than the four boys of the now defunct B2K musical extravaganza group, was number one at the Box Office this weekend.

It is probably no surprise to you that I have already begun hoarding food, water, and B2K's CD's to help me survive during this time of Armageddon.

I almost forgot...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE QUESTION MARK AND EXCLAMATION POINTS IN ALL CAPS??!??!?!

I'm hoping against hope, and wishing against wish that people went to watch this movie as a joke. This was the most hilarious $17 million joke in the history of $17 million dollar jokes. Please. Somebody, confirm this for me.

This starts me thinking. What if 'N Sync (is it an apostrophe or a * there?)and the Backstreet Boys were to make their own superfilm. They could call it, "You have been promptly served, friend". This would follow the hilarious hijinx of two ultra-successful pop groups as they entered tournaments against one another to see who could suck more (editors note: when the author uses the term "suck more" here, he does not mean the movie with Bill Murray and Jason Shwartzman about a kid at a prep school who falls in love with one of the teachers there, that's "Rushmore". I can't believe you thought that he meant that movie. What are you, retarded?). I would suggest also calling this film "The great suck off", but I'm pretty sure that there's a porno with that name already. This would probably make a lot more than $17 million in its first weekend and I'll tell you why. The audience for this movie would be a bunch of white kids instead of black kids: Everybody knows that white people actually pay to get in to movies (editors note: when the author uses the term "black kids" here, he means those of african decent, not to be confused with the famous "Black Kids" radio show of the 1920's which featured all white voice talent).

Now that I've probably offended black people and gay people, and especially gay, black people (special shout-out to my homie Ru Paul all up in this beeotch), I think I'll finish this up. I love all humans on this planet equally, except for people that have sex with dead things, animals, or trees - I love them less. This is also with the exception of people who have sex with books, mud, and hippies - I love them more.

At least, with the inception of this movie, I have something to say to my tables after I've waited on them:

"Thank you very much. Have a good night. You suckas just got served!"

Then I throw four fingers up with two twisted in the middle.

1 comment:

BreAnna said...

The symbol in front of *N Sync is actually an asshole, to represent their not-so-secret love of the asshole, and being gay in general.