Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Stunt Dishes!

I just saw what could go down in history as the most ridiculous commercial ever made. When I use the word ridiculous here, I don't mean that in a good way like, "Yo, that new eyepatch is ridiculous, Bluebeard. Go on with your bad self." No, I mean ridiculous like this: "That new machine that rapes babies is ridiculous." If there were such a machine, I'm pretty sure it would be just as ridiculous as this commercial I saw.

The commercial went something like this: Hi, I'm a guy selling Dawn Dishwashing liquid. For some reason we have a lot of dishes that we cleaned with Dawn all lined up back to back, between two motorcycle ramps. Now, Robby Knievel has to jump them on his motorcycle. Yay, he did it. See? Dawn really works.

The commercial made no sense whatsoever. I guess Dawn had Robby Knievel locked into some sort of a contract. Actually, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. Motorcycles + motorcycle ramps = clean dishes. If you ever watch that show on Discovery where they make awesome motorcycles, their dishes are always very clean. And they don't have dishpan hands.

In fact, I just thought of a new commercial. Stay with me. Closeup of a glass of red wine. Pull camera out to show the glass of wine sitting on a white carpet. A dog comes by and spills the red wine onto the carpet. A toothless man wearing nothing but a flesh-colored unitard smacks the dog in the face with his wiener and says, "Remember, have your pets spayed or neutered," and proceeds to sodomize the German Shepherd as Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is" plays in the background. Closeup of the wine on the carpet and dog squealing in the background. FADE OUT.

Look for that on a TV near you. It should be preceded by a Dawn commercial with a guy jumping over dishes on a motorcycle.

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