Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I'm a Filthy Liar!

I think what I wrote last entry was probably the dumbest thing ever written in the history of the written word (and probably heiroglyphics, too, because those Egyptians sure didn't fool around, they had slaves to beat). So, I'm not going to keep going along that line of writing. I'm tempted to erase that last entry from my blog, but I'll keep it there so those that hold me in such high regard as an expert in the field of letterology (the act of putting letters in a combination such that they form "words," the laymen call this writing) know that I'm just as capable of writing something absolutely shitty, too. And I don't need comments on this entry saying, "You know, you're right, that last entry did suck." I also don't need the ultra-ironic comment that says what I just wrote not to say in the previous sentence with one of those goddamn winky smiley faces next to it.

Anyway, on to what's really important.

This past Friday I took the last final of my college career at eight o'clock in the morning. After class, I went home and took a nap because I'm not used to waking up anywhere close to the higher single digits. Well, it was after this nap that I woke up feeling like I wanted to kill myself because I, apparently, had learned nothing of storytelling and steering clear of contrived, trite, cliche-like-a-motherfucker storylines.

I had the gayest dream ever.

No. Not the dream where I'm blowing Harrison Ford in a pool filled with petroleum jelly. I mean gay in the sense that it was absolutely retarded. Some people of the homosexual persuasion find that the use of the term gay in this manner is demeaning, but it's not, so shut your gay ass up.

My dream was straight out of allegory 101. I actually dreamt that I was running a goddamn race all slow-motion and shit like with the Chariots of Fire song playing and everything and I was crossing the finish line. Then, after I crossed the fucking finish line, somebody handed me a check for $4,000. This is when I started crying like a fat girl unlocking her cookie cupboard.

I woke up with an overwhelming desire to hang myself in effigy out front of my goddamn school where I, obviously, learned nothing. A goddamn race? Really, Kurt? Could that, perhaps, equate itself to your college career that you just finished, you fucking hack? Jesus Christ. Then I cried like the little bitch that I am for getting $4,000. Wow. This is something I'll sure be glad my grandkids find one day when they search the internet for their grandpa who died riding a surfboard in a tornado.

I have a lot more things to write about that I've been jotting down, but I'll save them until later.

Intersecting thought of the day:
When two lines meet and create two right angles, they are called perpendicular.

4 comments:

whore said...

oh chocolate fudgey! hey kurt. do you not have msn?

Drew said...

The only wisdom I can impart to you on the subject of getting old (I am, after all, in my mid-to-dead thirties) is that after awhile, dreaming becomes like music and movies where you've seen every plotline.

So eventually dreaming becomes as tedious as the rest of your life. "Oh, am I fucking Elisha Lohan-Spears again? Ho Hum. Ooh wow, now I'm flying over erupting volcanoes. BORING...".

So enjoy your dreams while they still don't bore you to tears, junior. And where's my Ensure?!

Drew said...

Oh yeah, and Cyndi Lauper never had a song called "I'm a Filthy Liar". I know this because she told me she was looking forward to the royalties so she could buy a new Frigidaire Box to live in. Then she gave me a quality hummer in exchange for some crank.

The joke is that she's poor now.

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

No, no, no....
I think you had it all wrong. This is what the race thing meant;

Running a foot race in your dreams show that you have an enemy who is a threat to your possessions and is envious of your acquisitions or achievements. To win the race means you will quickly overcome your adversary.

Translated version;

Jimbo the Angry Clown hates you and wants to steal all of your cool stuff and rape you as you nap. By winning the race you have shown that you are better than me, but I still have the raging desire to rape you and steal your $4,000.

Glad to be of help, once again.