Average White Banned!

Hot on the tar-and-feathered heels of the Michael Richards detonation of multiple N-bombs at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, some black leaders, whatever that means, have suggested banning the n-word altogether.

I, for one, think this is a great idea. I mean, if it's banned, then people won't say it anymore. Why didn't they think of this before? While they're at it, they should also ban murder and rape. But, first things first. Let's get our priorities straight and make it so people can't say mean things to others first.

I'm actually going to push this further. I'm hoping to ban all pencils, pens, paint, and, well, anything that can be used to write. I don't want somebody writing the n-word anywhere, so we'll just take away the utensils used to write. I mean, it's best to play it safe. I'll gladly hang up my keyboard.

Also, just to make sure, I'm going to try to get Arnold Schwarzenegger's name banned because it's just too close. If somebody trips over their words even a little, then all hell will break loose.

But, you know, I still don't think this is enough. I mean, people could still think the n-word and that, in itself, could be devastating. What if a white person is looking at a black person and starts to think that word? Can you imagine how devastating that can be to both parties? Maybe the white person was just doing the name game song in his head with everybody's favorite bouncing tiger friend of Pooh and got to "banana nana no n...."? That's grounds for suicide. This is why I'm going to fund a program which would require everybody to take a pill which would erase that word from the mind of every man, woman and child on this planet. Oh, and also, any media, books, film, or whatever, containing that words will be stricken from existence. We'll just get together and burn them all.

It's the only way. I'm going to start a group called Kurt's Kulture Klub to help combat this rising problem. I hope you all will join me in the KKK because I will not rest until we eradicate every "nigger" on the planet.

Or, how about everybody lightens the fuck up? When you start banning a word, you're limiting free speech. If somebody wants to use a word like that, let them. They'll get what they have coming to them in the form of public outcry. It's not like Michael Richards was changing minds with his "oh so eloquent" tirade. Non-racist people didn't watch that video and say, "You know what? This Kramer fellah's got a point." No. They did what everybody else did and realized that he's a racist douche bag.

Now the guys at whom he was yelling want to sue him? What a couple of dicks. They're at a fucking comedy club and those are fucking words. It doesn't matter that the n-word is the queen mother of all bad words, it's still just a goddamn word. I once had a comedian at a comedy club spend his entire set calling me "The Taliban." Did I sue him? Yes. Bad example. But, you get my point.

To reiterate, lighten the fuck up, everybody or I'll force feed you all that tuna fish and licorice you people just LOVE to eat. And by you people, I mean all y'all motherfuckers.