Saturday, February 10, 2007

Good Morning, OCD!

I've known for a long time that I was a spaz. Going back to my childhood when I would "Mac out." What's that? You ask. It's self-explanatory, really. See, when I would get angry, I would have to tap into something that was in me, but on a completely other side of my personality. I would "Mac out" and then I'd flail my arms wildly at my older brother, most times.

But where did its name come from? "Mac out?" That seems strange. Well, notorious hot-head tennis player John McEnroe was known for snapping and going off on angry tirades at the referees. I took a page from J-Mac and called upon his fury in times of need.

How would my brother know when I was in "Mac out" mode? There was a very simple cue to help warn any potential predators that I was "Mac'ing out." Much like aposematic coloring in the wild, one could tell simply by looking at me that I was dangerous. I would throw my arms up in the air like I had just lifted an invisible barbell (man, barbell is a fucking dumb word) above my head and yell, "Mac out!" Then my brother would laugh, but I would take it as nervous laughter because of the Hell that was about to be brought down upon him. It was like mental PCP when I was seven.

Anyway, so I'm a spaz and prone to fits of OCD or other behavior at times. This morning was terrible. Not in quite the same vein, but it still shows how screwed up my mind is.

I woke with an uncontrollable urge to dissect the word "Please" into as many different words of three letters or more as I possibly could. So, the very first thing I did this morning was that. I sat down at my desk, got out a pen, titled a piece of paper "Please" and started writing. A few minutes later I had this list: Elapse, lapse, pales, pale, peel, peels, eels, eel, lease, leap, leaps, slap, lap, laps, sale, seal, sea, see, pal, pals, ease, easel, peas, pea, pee, pees, seep, plea, pleas, sap, ape, apes, spa, ale, ales, asp, sleep, asleep.

And I thought about the word Alps, but that's a proper noun and not allowed in this imaginary game in my brain.

I should really go into therapy.

Please let me know I'm not alone.

1 comment:

eob said...

I can completely relate to Mac'ing Out .. but the compulsion to Mac Out on the word 'please' is just nuts. Seek help, in chemical form if possible. I suggest Lexapro.