Sunday, June 11, 2006

Where in the Capital Fuck Have I Been?

Remember how you used to come here and read things that I wrote? That was awesome. Well, I've been pretty much the busiest I've ever been since I had to make a ceramic T-Rex in GATE in the second grade. If you saw that T-Rex, you'd understand the implications.

Yeah, I was in GATE. Jealous? We learned sign language and Braille. Which will come in handy when I either need to yell at a deaf person or write a blind inmate a letter.

First, I got a job. Now, I can't exactly talk about what I do because they kind of warned us against divulging too much information via blogs or other stuff. But I can say that I work for a very prominent Internet company (whose name is something one might exclaim while riding a bull or throwing a picnic basket with a baby inside over a bridge) doing editing-related work. I also participate in the art of vaguery. Or I might not. Whatever.

Ironically, aside from work, I've been pretty Internet-less. Hence me not writing anything ever again. I've been busy moving to Burbank (with help from friends and my best friend, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ--that guy can carry a ton of shit--he carried me on the beach) which is where I'm typing this from. I won't really have Internet until a week from today, but I came home from Universal City Walk (which is, I'm convinced, an advertisement for half-shirts on fat girls) to find that my computer had found somebody's open wireless Internet connection and latched on for dear life. So, I figured I'd take advantage of Lady Fate shooting her She-jizz of Fortuity upon me from her hermaphrodite half-penis and give a quick write-up of what's been going down.

I saw Cars tonight. Fucking shit. Never see an animated movie in a theater. There's probably a good six-inch deep river of sticky infant drool that has accumulated at the front of the theater by the end credits. The room is constantly abuzz with different gurgles, giggles, and "Mommy, I have to pees." And that's just me and my friends--ZING! Seriously, though. Why can't kids be born at about age 14? Sure, gine-gines would get ruined in the process, but that's a risk I'm willing to have women take. The movie was okay, but it's definitely not Pixar's best. The short film at the beginning, though, was awesome.

If I can get back to Universal City Walk for a second, fuck that place. They called the area where my friend left his car Jurassic Parking. When I saw that, it infused my soul with a rage that would not be washed off with a thousand reincarnations.

I had to go last weekend to pick up some home-living materials from the nearby Target. Wow, was that place ghetto. There was a good 90 square foot area of the ceiling that just didn't have tile. There was another part in the store that was roped off with yellow tape like somebody got raped in the bike section (and that's not a pun).

That's all I have for now, but look for more from me after next Saturday. That's when I should finally be able to get back to updating this thing on a regular basis again. And, I'll finally have t-shirts for sale!*

*No I won't.


Phil said...

Wow, I laughed so hard one of my eyes came out of its socket.

Yeah I used to be heavilly involved with the church, and the footprints joke, fucking priceless. If those jesus-loving schmucks turn out to be right though... boy are you fucked, haha.

p.s. I'll see you hell

eob said...

Good post! I guess your writing is like semen; the longer you go without release the more spectacular the end-result. We're talking ceiling stains.

BreAnna said...

I want a fucking t-shirt!!!!

Buttics said...

Welcome back! Hysterical.