Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Which State Is Fucking All the Other Ones?

You know which state has the lowest self-esteem? West Virginia. I mean, look at its name. At least North Dakota and South Dakota and North Carolina and South Carolina are diametrically opposed to one another. But West Virginia is the state that wants to hang out at the party because she knows somebody.

"Hey, you guys. What are you doing? Is that weed? Are you smoking weed? Whatever. I've smoked it before. No big deal. I like your hair. It's really pretty. Who am I? Well, you guys know Virginia, right? I'm Virginia's cousin. You didn't know Virginia had a cousin? Weird. That's me, though. Seriously. My name? You know what? Just call me West Virginia."

What other state wants to be known only in relation to another state's existence, yet the original state from which it took its name doesn't even acknowledge it? Only goddamn West Virginia.

You know what West Virginia's biggest export is? People who thought they were moving to regular Virginia.

Their college sports team has a mascot, you know what they are? They're the University of West Virginia Texans.

This is their state flag featuring their state motto.The only thing worse than West Virginia will be in 2010 when Wyoming will change its name to West South Dakota.

1 comment:

That one chick said...

Seeing as how pretty much all of my maternal relatives live in West Virginia, I feel it my duty to point out that while she may be the red-headed step child of the Continental U.S., she could totally kick Virginia's ass.

She may only have 4 teeth in her head, run around the trailer park barefoot, and pee standing up, but that just makes her hard core.