Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Finally! Peace in the Middle East!

Condoleeza Rice has done it! I may be a crazy left-winger, but I have to give the lady her due. She has managed to do, in two days, what people have been trying for years to do. I guess all it took was a little classical piano, an adorable overbite, and some ice skating to show those grumpy guys the right way. It's a good thing she was appointed. I don't see this going wrong in any way at all.

To celebrate the peace, Israelis and Palestinians strapped on their favorite explosives and blew the fuck out of one another.

Speaking of blowing the fuck out of one another, Michael Jackson is in the news as always. His trial has been delayed because of a death in the family of lead defense attorney, Thomas Mesereau. When asked who died, Mesereau replied, "Thomas Mesereau, lead defense attorney, of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head--tomorrow morning."

Finally, the Pope, who was recently ailing with a crippling Genital Herpes outbreak, will miss Ash Wednesday services for the first time in his 26 years as Pontiff. I may not know much about religion, but I do know that it's a long-ass trip back from Mardi Gras in New Orleans and not even the Pope, with his magic Jesus powers, can recover from that. You know what I'm talking about.

Interesting thought of the day:
Surprisingly, it is not against the law to wrestle, naked, Greco-Roman style, with a Butterball turkey in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket. Even more surprising is the news that it is illegal to do this with a baby one may procure from any number of unattended shopping carts--even if the baby is already dead and dressed up exactly like a Butterball turkey.

4 comments:

Ry-Ry said...

The best part of this post is i read it as if it were the "Daily Show" or SNL News. Other than that i have nothing to say about Kurt except i love him. The same way that M.J. loves his fake, made in a microwave children!

Drew said...

Missing Ash Wednesday services???!!!! Well, that's it. He can just go straight to fucking hell for all I care.

deleted said...

what is the most unused letter in the dicktionary?

deleted said...

hey kurt. pope looks pretty sexy. got his number?