Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The Hunter Becomes the Prey!

In the minds of pretentious bastards everywhere, Hunter S. Thompson just became a God.

This motherfucker, who is most famous for writing Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, shot himself in the face to death "as a metaphor for how society is shooting itself in the face with all of its hypocrisy and LIES" or something. See, you can't be deified unless you kill yourself; those are the rules of deification.

"Dude, he fucking did it. That guy's my hero, man. Show those bureaucratic pigs!"

If he would have died of cancer or been trampled by an elephant, people wouldn't care as much. Now, though, he's like the Kurt Cobain of writing (which is something I'd always hoped to be what with us sharing the first name and the penchant for dating pasty crackwhores). If you hear anybody ever comment on what a genius he was (especially if they use the term "misunderstood genius"--I fucking hate that) then it is your duty--nay, obligation--to grab their ballsack or labia with the claw end of a hammer and pull like they stole your lunch money.

On a completely different note, I was watching Hannity and Colmes tonight on Fox News because I firmly believe that Sean Hannity is the Bizarro me, and I was happily greeted by a huge bag of irony that I thought I'd share. They were talking about the mentality of suicide bombers and why they do it. Hannity says something like, "Do they actually believe that they're going to get the 72 virgins in Heaven? We all know that's not going to happen." That's right. There's no way that that could happen, but it's completely plausible that, instead, they'll be going to a place where they'll be burned by some guy with cloven hooves and a tail for all of eternity. Then, after you die, you'll be going to a place in the clouds where everybody who was ever good in life will be to greet you and you'll live there forever and be completely happy eating all the Twinkies you want and never getting fat with JFK, Jesus, and Christopher Reeve.

Now that it's in front of me, he's right, that 72 virgins thing just sounds ridiculous.

Interesting thought of the day:
Moped, the noun, is much more exciting than moped, the past-tense verb, even though it's a small, very gay motorcycle.

2 comments:

deleted said...

the thing abt 72 virgins is a complete misinterpretation of the koran. anyways. i love the irony. hah.

Drew said...

I respectfully disagree about 'moped'. If a person 'moped' around because they only got to have sex with 71 virgins instead of the 72 they were promised, clearly that's more exciting than some shitty Schwinn with a lawn-mower engine screwed to it.

Then again, I could always go fuck myself.