Purging the Unused Notes!

As a few of you may know, I write notes on my desk on the back of a Far Side comic-a-day calendar from 1999. Well, they've piled up again, so it's time to get rid of them with little to no explanation for each item.

• They should add my fart scent to Carbon Monoxide.
• Smells like somebody took a dump in a wet pumpkin.
• Call the butthole the "5-hole."
• Hole punch to the cervix.
• Bruce Buffer, Michael Buffer's brother. Think Mike is pissed?
• As sincere as a Valentine's Card for a fat girl.
• ...and that's what Dr. King was talking about.
• Girls don't like to hear, "Well aren't you weird looking?"
• Frostbite is funny.
• Chesna
• I cut open my hemmorrhoids and drain it on stamps.
• "There She Goes" is a tampon theme song. What song from today will be the new bloody vagina anthem in six years?
• It's like a vagina made of lightning.
• You never see a homeless guy on his first day.
• My urine smelled like Funyons today.

Then I had a list of notes about the State of the Union that I was going to write about, but I think AIDS babies took precedence. So here are those ideas without any explanation as to what they mean.

• Do people practice applause breaks during the day of the State of the Union?
• 34 minutes in and he winks at somebody in the audience.
• "Ethanol" He smiles like he just won a bet after saying it because he pronounced it correctly.
• Bush saying "They hate our freedom" is just like Steve Martin in The Jerk saying that the sniper is shooting the oil cans at the gas station.
• Recently an Iraqi interpreter told a reporter, "Tell America not to abandon us." It's good to know that America's foreign policy is being decided by a guy who may have gotten the word for "help" mixed up with the word for "abandon."

Interesting thought of the day:
All walruses are bulletproof. But it's amazing the amount of damage one can do with a raging erection, strong hips, and keys to a walrus tank.