Monday, February 07, 2005

Purging the Unused Notes!

As a few of you may know, I write notes on my desk on the back of a Far Side comic-a-day calendar from 1999. Well, they've piled up again, so it's time to get rid of them with little to no explanation for each item.

  • They should add my fart scent to Carbon Monoxide.
  • Smells like somebody took a dump in a wet pumpkin.
  • Call the butthole the "5-hole."
  • Hole punch to the cervix.
  • Bruce Buffer, Michael Buffer's brother. Think Mike is pissed?
  • As sincere as a Valentine's Card for a fat girl.
  • ...and that's what Dr. King was talking about.
  • Girls don't like to hear, "Well aren't you weird looking?"
  • Frostbite is funny.
  • Chesna
  • I cut open my hemmorrhoids and drain it on stamps.
  • "There She Goes" is a tampon theme song. What song from today will be the new bloody vagina anthem in six years?
  • It's like a vagina made of lightning.
  • You never see a homeless guy on his first day.
  • My urine smelled like Funyons today.

Then I had a list of notes about the State of the Union that I was going to write about, but I think AIDS babies took precedence. So here are those ideas without any explanation as to what they mean.
  • Do people practice applause breaks during the day of the State of the Union?
  • 34 minutes in and he winks at somebody in the audience.
  • "Ethanol" He smiles like he just won a bet after saying it because he pronounced it correctly.
  • Bush saying "They hate our freedom" is just like Steve Martin in The Jerk saying that the sniper is shooting the oil cans at the gas station.
  • Recently an Iraqi interpreter told a reporter, "Tell America not to abandon us." It's good to know that America's foreign policy is being decided by a guy who may have gotten the word for "help" mixed up with the word for "abandon."

Interesting thought of the day:
All walruses are bulletproof. But it's amazing the amount of damage one can do with a raging erection, strong hips, and keys to a walrus tank.

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