Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Reptile High Club!

Some of you have probably heard by now about the theatrical event of the 21st Century which will be hitting theaters August 18th, 2006. Others have not. That's why I feel it is my duty to let the massive audience of around a quarter million readers a day know about Snakes on a Plane.

If you click that link, you are taken to the trailer for a cinematic revolution. I don't want to bore you with the science of it, but here's how it works out.This is the best thing to happen to movies since the money shot.

A recent article points out that, because of the "buzz" surrounding this movie, there was recently a five-day reshoot to add in more of what the fans want, especially the line you see in the equation above. However, I don't just want to hear Samuel L. Jackson say, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" My mind is going crazy with things I want to be said in this movie.

  • I swear I just saw a snake crawl out this bitch's blouse!
  • If you look out the left side of the plane, you'll see the Grand Canyon, and if you look out the right side, you'll notice the entire wing is being engulfed by a python. (This leads to the sequel, Plane in a Snake!)
  • Hey, baby. What do you say we sneak to the bathroom and become members of the Mile High Club? What did you say? Sssss? That sounds ssssexy. (Then he turns his head and notices his wife is dead and a snake is eating her eyes and that's where the sound was coming from. Then he pauses, looks straight ahead, swallows loudly, then screams.)
  • Stewardess! There's a motherfucking python in my orange juice!
  • I'm too old for hiss shit!


Phil said...

Thanks Kurt for giving us a preview of what may be the dumbest studio film of 2006.

I can just hear the thought that went into this film: "Dude, let's make a movie about snakes loose on a plan biting the shit out of people!"

Yeah, that's all the thought that went into it. It's worse than the Bible, at least in that the snake could talk.

eob said...

I agree ... this may be the dumbest piece of shit ever made.

benji said...

i'm going to disagree. read josh friedman's blog about it here. some things you just have to see. ya know?