The Adventures of Pluto, Nah!

You've probably heard by now, but today it was officially ruled that Pluto is not a planet. I've been telling people this for years.

"Pluto isn't a planet." That quote is taken straight from five years ago--from me.

People are upset that this is going to ruin the mnemonic that they learned when they were children to help them remember the order of the nine planets. I learned My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas: Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune Pluto.

Now what are our very educated mothers going to serve us? Whatever it is, we certainly won't be getting nine of them anymore. The science community has single-handedly reduced our food consumption by 889%. Maybe this is all an elaborate solution to the obesity epidemic.

According to the article, Pluto's status has been demoted to "dwarf planet." That's much cooler anyway. It's the only planet that gets to grow a beard, carry a battle-axe and fight goblins.

This is probably the biggest change to happen to society since they decided to start keeping track of the year by number.

"Hey, Dave. You know yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Sure."

"Yeah. Well that's one."

"One what?"

"I don't know. But I'm feeling pretty good about this."