Monday, October 25, 2004

P-p-p-Pants!

Ashlee Simpson was caught trying to be like her older sister on Saturday Night Live (on Saturday of course, you dumb shit). It's known that her voice isn't as good as her sister's so she was caught lip-synching to make up for it. She was also caught stuffing her bra and giving a blowjob to Nick Lachey.

I was looking at the pants I was wearing today and I realized that people call one unit of pants a "pair." I mean, I'm not a fucking robot or dirty, smelly foreigner, so I won't actually call it a unit of pants, but I didn't know another way to say it. English is so fucked up though. Does that mean that pants always come composed of two parts? And, they must be identical, because that's what pairs are. A pair of something means that they're identical. Unless you're wearing fraternal pants, but then nobody actually believes that they're a pair, but instead the mom had them too close together and is embarrased so she tells everybody that they're fraternal and not identical.

Some guy in two of my classes is such a douche bag that I want to shove glass into his Adam's apple, like, really hard. He talks, in one of my classes, about some philosophers that have nothing to do with the class so he looks so fucking important and smart. I'm the only one in the other class where we're actually reading all of the people that he's paraphrasing, so I know what a goddamn poser he is. But, to everybody else, he looks like he's so fucking well-read. He really, really irritates me. I'm thinking about hitting him in the back of the head with the claw part of a rusty hammer, breaking it off, and totally dropkicking him in it once that part's done. Today, Douchebag Jones made it a point to mention to the whole class that he visits Mental Institutions and always talks to homeless people. I think you can see why I want to bury him alive in a pit of AIDS.

Interesting thought of the day:
Stilts were invented by people who were playing the "Hot Lava" game in their house (where all the carpet was Hot Lava) so that they could cheat.

2 comments:

Emily said...
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Drew said...

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