La and Border!

Admittedly, I don't read the news a lot, so, could somebody please explain to me what Mexicans did recently that made old white guys in Washington DC so angry at them?

Wait. Don't tell me. I'll guess.

• They set off a car bomb in the parking garage of the largest building in the world.
• Maybe they strapped explosives to their chest, ran into a place filled with innocent civilians, and blew themselves, along with whoever happened to be in the blast radius, into tiny pieces.
• No, wait, I got it. They hijacked some airplanes and flew them into prominent buildings along the East Coast.
• What was I thinking? Of course. The Mexicans must have been slaughtering hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in Africa leaving millions hungry and homeless resulting in the worst genocide in recent history. That has to be it.

It's not? They what? The Mexicans did dishes, cut lawns, picked fruit, and helped take care of American children? You're serious?

It's worse than I thought. Now I understand what all the fuss is about. How had I not heard about this terrible epidemic before? It's true what they say, young kids have no idea what's going on in the world today. I mean, the World Trade Center bombing, near-daily suicide bombings, 9/11, and the mass genocide in Darfur is nothing when you realize that we've got people attacking us here within the borders of the United States by working 70 hour weeks bussing our tables and sending that money--AMERICAN MONEY--back to Mexico so that the rest of their family can have food (probably the traditional Mexican breakfast of spicy kitten soup that I'm assuming these terrible people eat).

I hope you won't think me liberal, but I say we need to pull our troops out of Iraq now so that we can have them where we apparently really need them: in the kitchen at Olive Garden.