Thursday, April 06, 2006

Master of Disaster!

It was just announced that President of the United States (and honorary Hardy Boy--so says his decoder ring) George W. Bush has named David Paulison as the new head of FEMA. Yes, THAT David Paulison. The one whose pictures you have hanging on your wall courtesy of Tiger Beat magazine. Paulison was a former firefighter and is, surprisingly, much more qualified for the job of "disaster relief" than his predecessor Michael Brown who was an Arabian horse judge before acquiring his position.

I did a little background research on the other candidates and somebody must have made Bush pick this Paulison fellow because the rest of the others were as much, if not more, unqualified for the position than Michael "That horse's balls hang too low" Brown.

The following is a list of the occupations of the other nominees for the head of FEMA:

  • One-armed semi-pro bowler
  • A Tyrannosaurus Rex
  • A professional dirt looker
  • A guy who teaches a class on how to milk your prostate (as seen on Real Sex 117)
  • Saddam Hussein
  • A box of banana clips that was donated to Goodwill from the Belinda Carlisle estate
  • Belinda Carlisle
  • The guy who played the singing apple in the Fruit of the Looms commercial
  • A woman who performs quality checks on Lunchables
  • Hurricane Katrina
That last one is just plain irresponsible.

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