Things I Could Totally Beat Up!

• A baby
• Any normal girl under age 10 (subtract about four years for a retarded child--they're like tiny people-tanks)
  
• Any normal boy under age 11 (see above)
  
• A kitten
• A cat
• A werewolf if he was in man form and handcuffed to a pipe in a basement and I had a bat or some brass knuckles
  
• An old Indian chief
• Anybody who plays a woodwind instrument professionally
• The Pope
• Yoga teachers
• The blind
• A drunk woman with her clothes half-off
• The optimist in me believes I can beat up any drunk woman with her clothes half-on (or is that the pessimist?)
• A baker
• People who need to use one of those motorized shopping carts at the grocery store
• That lady you've seen on the Discovery Channel who doesn't have any pieces of body below her ribcage
  
• My tenth grade English teacher Mrs. Reynolds
  
• Paris Hilton
• A newborn bear cub
• A sleestak (using Chaka as my tag team partner)
• Any lingerie model (excluding plus size)
• Over 50% of the mayors in the United States
• Stephen Hawking
• Adrian Adonis
• Grover
• Wendy (of square hamburger fame)
• All of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds (part one only--Ogre would probably get me, but I'd beat the shit out of Booger)
• Any dude with a monocle
• A mermaid