Monday, July 10, 2006

Things I Could Totally Beat Up!

  • A baby
  • Any normal girl under age 10 (subtract about four years for a retarded child--they're like tiny people-tanks)
  • Any normal boy under age 11 (see above)
  • A kitten
  • A cat
  • A werewolf if he was in man form and handcuffed to a pipe in a basement and I had a bat or some brass knuckles
  • An old Indian chief
  • Anybody who plays a woodwind instrument professionally
  • The Pope
  • Yoga teachers
  • The blind
  • A drunk woman with her clothes half-off
  • The optimist in me believes I can beat up any drunk woman with her clothes half-on (or is that the pessimist?)
  • A baker
  • People who need to use one of those motorized shopping carts at the grocery store
  • That lady you've seen on the Discovery Channel who doesn't have any pieces of body below her ribcage
  • My tenth grade English teacher Mrs. Reynolds
  • Paris Hilton
  • A newborn bear cub
  • A sleestak (using Chaka as my tag team partner)
  • Any lingerie model (excluding plus size)
  • Over 50% of the mayors in the United States
  • Stephen Hawking
  • Adrian Adonis
  • Grover
  • Wendy (of square hamburger fame)
  • All of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds (part one only--Ogre would probably get me, but I'd beat the shit out of Booger)
  • Any dude with a monocle
  • A mermaid

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The best part of that is Adrian Adonis going out via a moose in Newfoundland