Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Road Warrior!

I'm starting to believe that the ghost-Jesus version of L. Ron Hubbard actually exists. Stay with me here.

Everybody's like, "That Tom Cruise, he's one crazy motherfucker." Then he somehow manages to still get hired and make movies because somebody crazier comes along. And this time, Mr. Cruise's wish has been granted by Genie Ron Hubbard in the form of crazy-ass Mel Gibson.

He got arrested for DUI (something which his friend Sargeant Murtaugh would probably refer to as, "Shit for which he is too old.") and I'm guessing it wasn't because he had too much Manischewitz. It wasn't good enough to just get himself a DUI (Driving Under the Influence for my bevy of foreign and abbreviationally-challenged readers) as a public figure, but he went on a tirade against all of the Jews on the planet. Lucky for him, he doesn't have to work for or with any of those in Hollywood.That's like those issues of Archie comics when Jughead has that little symbol on his hat and he suddently likes girls or a whale who writes a hate email to all of the sharks in the ocean or like Jim Henson putting down creatures made of felt and buttons.

I'll bet Mel Gibson hates creatures made of felt and buttons. Well, he would if I told him that Kermit the Frog was actually a Jew. It would all make sense to him. See, he's slimy like them all. He's green which is the color of money which they covet so dearly. That's why Kermit won't hook up with Miss Piggy, because she's pork--she's not Kosher. It all makes sense. But the final nail in the figurative cross is that in a deleted scene from Muppets Take Manhattan, Kermit made a detour on his bicycle and killed Jesus.

There's really only one thing to do. I think my friend Mel would like to join me in welcoming all the way from Kazakhstan, a man with a message, Borat.

1 comment:

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

My new favorite Mel Gibson quote: "What are you lookin at, Sugar Tits?"