Saturday, September 16, 2006

Who's the Big Birthday Boy?

Apparently not me.

This past Thursday was my birthday. Normally on my birthday I don't post anything about it because I don't want to appear to be pandering for the obligatory, "Happy birthday, faggot!" posts. But, this was no normal birthday.

You, being not me and having normal friendships and relationships, would assume that, when you tell somebody that you hate something, they would refrain from subjecting you to said object of hate. However, since I am a terrible person, people feel that, on my birthday, I should have to bask in all that I hate and be made miserable.

I've mentioned before here about a couple of my biggest pet peeves. I hate when I see a girl driving a car that is over-the-top girly--especially when they have that stupid license plate frame that reads, "I'm the Princess, that's why," or "Daddy's Little Princess," or, as I wrote before, "DVDA Princess." Whatever. I just hate the whole princess thing and find it obnoxious, fake and trying too hard.

I also have moaned here about another of the things that bothers me to no end: animals dressed up in clothing. I just don't understand this phenomenon. Animals have been around for longer than humans and they've never needed a wedding dress, a trenchcoat with pocketwatch, or a flapper costume. Yet, once humans domesticate them, they feel the need to humiliate it and dress it up as a pirate. If you want to dress up as a pirate, that's fine (and awesome), but don't hot glue an eye patch on your dog and make it look like an idiot against its will so you can be entertained.

I give you this background because my coworkers felt it necessary to do this to my desk at work (click the picture to see it full size).Pink streamers, a pink boa, pictures of animals dressed in clothing taped on to everything.

A closer look.On my monitor, that's a picture of John Wayne Gacy with a long alliterative sentence. I mentioned to them that I hate alliteration at one point, too. I was kidding about that, but they ran with it.

The crowning achievement, so to speak, and I feel the quintessential item that best reflects what I hate about the whole Princess thing is this.They taped a crown that says "Birthday Princess" on the top of my monitor.

I get to work earlier than the people who decorated my desk, but I must project an air of rage on a daily basis because, being a good sport, I left all this stuff up. They, however, felt that there was a 75% chance that I would tear it all down as soon as I saw it.

So, all day I sat at my desk surrounded by this stuff. Also, there's nothing about the decoration that specifically says birthday in giant writing to somebody just casually walking by, it's just a whole lot of pink and streamers. I work with a lot of people and I don't know many of them, so there's a good chance that a lot of them thought that it was my coming out party.

Also, I sit in a fairly high traffic area and the work that I do for this large Internet search company (Why am I being vague? You can actually see the name of the company in one of the pictures) sometimes requires me to work with all sorts of porn. There's never a worse time to have a greasy dildo on your computer screen than when your desk is decorated like mine.

To give you an example of the kinds of things I have to deal with, in the picture of the Birthday Princess crown above, I noticed this after the fact, but it's Jesus karma that it happened to be there. I blurred out most of the screen to help keep my work confidential blah blah, but you can clearly see the phrase "granny sex toys."

Welcome to my world.

1 comment:

eob said...

Happy Birthday, Princess!