Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Earthquakes and Scientologists!

Well, I missed another earthquake today. When I say I missed it, I mean that I didn't feel it. It's not like somebody threw one at me and I couldn't hit it. That's just silly. You can't throw earthquakes, anymore. Not since the great reckoning. The guy on the news in that magic box that sits underneath my DVD player said that it was centered near San Diego. I've lived in Southern California all my life and I love earthquakes. There aren't nearly enough of them. I wish that, instead of an alarm clock, an earthquake woke me up in the morning, because nothing says, "Get up" like your house collapsing around you and thoughts of your own mortality.

I always try to remind myself that, if there's an earthquake, I want to jump up and down during it to see what happens. I always forget because I'm too busy running into a doorway or something, but, before I die, I'm going to do it. I'm going to "ride" the earthquake. I think it'll be fun until I land and my ankles break. But that time in the air, with the earth quaking beneath me and me, weightless in mid-air, will be so awesome.

The other day, I decided that I don't know enough about Scientology, so I looked it up on this thing that I have called the internet. If you haven't heard of this internet thing, you should look into it. Not only is there a lot of unnecessary information and completely made-up stuff at your fingertips, but at random times, you get shown pictures of boobs. Nothing could be greater. But, I digress. Speaking of digressing, I was reading some post on some message board somewhere today and somebody started a post on a topic, then followed it up with, "But, I digress." Can you really digress if you never changed the subject in the first place? You can't. That person was a liar. That's like me saying, "You're a dipshit and I hate you. But, I digress. The Romans were far better fighters than the Persians because of Hoplite armor." Once again, my example-making abilities are far superior than the best of example makers.


No wonder people always make fun of Scientologists. They believe some weird things. Now, I'm just paraphrasing here, so I could be wrong, but they think that people are comprised of 72 beings each and that these beings were all alive at one time, somewhere in the last 4 quadrillion years (that's the actual number they used, I swear). Anyway, and what Scientology does for them is that it helps them to discover the 72 people inside of them (this idea is not to be confused with world record gang bang videos --those people aren't very religious). I think this is just an excuse for people like Tom Cruise and John Travolta to, somehow, get more money by claiming more dependents on their tax returns. Those clever bastards, passing it off under the guise of a religion created by a guy who wrote Battlefield Earth.

Interesting thought of the day:
You can get herpes (and a lot of other STDs) from a corpse. Just a word of advice.

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