Thursday, June 03, 2004

Fourth Day Straight!

That's right, hookers and hoes. It's a record that will go unbroken until at least tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the last day of regular classes, two finals next week, one paper and I'm done. Only one class tomorrow and we're having a junior high-esque "party." I hope we play Heads-Up Seven-Up. I'll totally win because I look at their shoes when they walk by.

The neverending saga with my devastating injury continues. So, yesterday, when I wrote that those pills eat the shit out of your stomach lining, I wasn't kidding. My stomach was only bubbling and stuff yesterday; I didn't see a problem with that. But then, this morning at five o'clock, after a solid four hours of sleep, I woke up with excrutiating pain in my stomach. As I was telling my therapist that doesn't exist, it felt like that guy from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom reached into my chest and was squeezing the poop out of my stomach. So, I didn't get to go back to sleep. It's interesting, though, this five a.m. thing. Did you know that the sun doesn't just appear in the sky? It slowly gets brighter in the morning. It's weird and I don't recommend you experience it because, what happens is, later on, when the sun-beast falls back into the ocean, its power has a hold of you and you get really tired.

On a different note, a fun little anecdote about the finale of my screenwriting class follows. And here it is. I've been in my class for the entire school year --since September--so we've been together forever. The class is different than any class I've taken since high school because you grow closer to these people. Anyway, there's this chick in my class who's a real Christian girl. She loves gettin' Jiggy with Jesus. She has always had this unspoken shame that I could tell she felt for me because of the things I say and do in class (like the one time I cut open a goat and drank its blood in class all the while screaming about the great sun-beast). So, she brought a few presents for three of the about seventeen or so people in class and she brought me one. Well, technically she didn't bring them because she didn't show up, which is a whole different thing, but she had somebody else bring them. She brought me a book of clean jokes cleverly titled, "Book of Clean Jokes." Much to my surprise, the book is full of clean jokes. I've vowed, however, to go through and, with each joke, change it so that it relates to either pedophilia, penises, vaginas, some sort of beastiality, necrophilia, dendrophilia, prison rape, or baby murder. The reason for this is twofold: 1) All of the aforementioned are hilarious and 2) I hate books.

I wrote too much today, but I've got a doozy coming up next entry, so stay tuned.

Interesting thought of the day:
If a woman pushes really hard, she can turn her vagina sideways.

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