Saturday, March 12, 2005

Pray for Me!

I have decided to see just how far-reaching my influence has become and, I'm happy to report, that a boy in Georgia thinks that I'm a sign of the impending End of Days. would be an awesome porno weblog name, but it's rather disappointing to find out that it's about Armageddon (and not even the shitty Ben Affleck movie--yes THE shitty Ben Affleck movie).

I'm not sure quite how he found my site, but he references it along with some others and directly links to this article about My Tivo Thinks I Hate Jesus. I'm guessing that he googled "I hate Jesus" and Tivo because, otherwise, it's really not going to come up. I am pretty proud, though, that mine is the first entry when you put in those terms.

The actual thing he wrote can be found here. I don't think he's calling me a False Prophet, but he's just worried about me and this guy along with a few others and wants people to pray for us. I'd like to think that the other guy I listed is a little more hardcore than I am. I was just writing something about how my Tivo was recording Jesus shows for me and I didn't want it to, but this other guy not only hates Jesus, religion, and George W. Bush, but he also hates coherent web page formatting. His website looks like that room Russell Crowe ran away to in A Beautiful Mind, but is a little less easy to understand.

I'm actually pretty excited that this guy found what I wrote so disturbing that he decided that he must get all his zero followers to pray for me. I think he prayed for me the other night because there was a sharp burning in my chest and I felt like I was going to die. I awoke from my coffin and had to drink a pint of warm goat's blood in order to get back to sleep.

Like I was telling a friend of mine yesterday, the only reason that people think that the End of the World is coming is in order to make themselves feel important.

"Dude, the fucking world ended while I was alive!"

Okay, they probably wouldn't say 'fucking,' but they also probably wouldn't be saying the rest of that sentence because it's not going to happen. The idea of the Rapture, where people are taken up into the sky to join God in Heaven where they get to play checkers with Hitler for eternity (or something like that), is far-fetched even for the Bible--and that has a woman turning into a pillar of salt, and a guy putting two of each animal on an innertube and riding backwards down a waterslide. Admittedly, I may be screwing some things up in these stories.

I actually just feel bad for the kid because he's going to be so sad in 70 years when he's dying of robot prostate cancer from eating too many Space Burgers and the world will not have ended with him being lifted into the sky and me being left to fight the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse with my Phaser and Microsoft Teleporting Machine. But, by then, he could always use his Delorean to go back in time and talk to Jesus himself and find out that it's all bullshit.

Interesting thought of the day:
If I had to, and was stuck in the middle of the ocean, I could tame and ride a shark to safety.

1 comment:

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

That kid has become my new favorite hobby.