Thursday, March 31, 2005

Somebody's Making a Big-Ass Salad in Heaven!

Sure, I don't believe in Heaven, but somebody somewhere must have needed a whole lot of vegetable to put in a salad because Terri Schiavo is finally dead. Maybe it's insensitive to say 'finally' because she was a human being, but she hasn't actually been a human being for over 15 years. She was a heartbeat with googly eyes that her parents called their daughter. My dog died a couple of years ago, but I'll bet I could have paid a whole lot of money to keep that dog alive for a few years. Sure, the dog would have been miserable and wanting to die, but at least I still had my dog. And that's what's important: what I want.

Anyway, in a dramatic turn of events, it turns out that the Pope is dying. Some people say it's because the Pope's urinary tract is infected and everybody knows that if the Pope's penis ain't working, he may as well die. Personally, though, I think that it's because he was spiritually linked with Terri Schiavo like Bastian and Atreyu in The Neverending Story. Keep your eyes peeled for flying dragons scaring kids into dumpsters.

In news of a death that actually makes me sad, comedian Mitch Hedberg died yesterday. If you don't know any of his comedy, you're missing out. Look him up somewhere and go out and buy a CD or two of his. The thing about his death, though, is that a lot of people thought that it may be a hoax. Dying as a comedian must be tough because, naturally, people may think that you're kidding. There are only a couple other professions where people don't think you're actually dead if somebody says that you are: FBI Agent, Paul McCartney, and magician. Well, also if you're wrestling with somebody and you go limp because you want to scare them. But people don't usually do that as a profession.

Interesting thought of the day:
"When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying, 'Here you throw this away.'" Mitch Hedberg

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