My Lovely Lady Lumps!

The Superbowl has come to be known just as much for football as it is for the commercials which air during the broadcast. This year was no different. There was a pterodactyl in one and that automatically makes it the best commercial to air. The majority of the spots were for exactly the products you would think: beer and fast food. That's what guys care about. But then there was this one spot that no doubt cost the company a lot of money, but it fell on deaf ears; they just had their demographic completely wrong.

There was a commercial from Dove soap that was aimed at making girls feel better about themselves. During the Superbowl. I know that what happened at the place I was watching this had to happen around the world in unison.

If you haven't seen the commercial, click here. If you can't watch the commercial, I'll explain it. It shows a bunch of young girls and then text comes along the side of the screen explaining what she doesn't like about herself. Well, in a room full of guys, this is exactly what happened where I was and, no doubt, around the world.

Text on screen: Hates her freckles.

Guys in the room: "So do I!" "She should probably just kill herself!"

Text on screen: Thinks she's ugly.

Guys: "She's right about that." "A girl's thinking for once?"

Text on screen: Thinks she's fat.

Guys: "What's that tubby bitch doing on the screen?" "Who invited the Rockbiter?"

Text on screen: Let's tell her she's wrong.

Guys: "She isn't!"

Then there's simultaneous high fives and a bunch of guys regale one another with tales of punching their girlfriends in the face.

We're a terrible, horrible people. Though they don't actually mean that the girls are ugly or fat or whatever, they're so used to trying to keep girl's self-esteem in check that it's instinct to reinforce all the negative shit girls think about themselves so they don't go off and get with a guy who won't see if he can fit his foot in her vagina while she's sleeping.