Shot Through the Face And You're to Blame!

Over the weekend, Dick Cheney shot his millionaire lawyer friend in the face and I don't mean it in the sexual way that millionaires punish one another for losing a circle jerk; he literally shot his friend in the face.

Dick Cheney claims he didn't see the man, Harry Whittington, when he pulled the trigger to his shotgun in an attempt to shoot a goddamn, no good quail. If you ask me, shooting a friend in the face is necessary collateral damage when it comes to quail hunting. I'd gladly take some pellets to the face (again, not the way that Germans celebrate losing their version of a circle jerk, actual pellets) if I knew that a quail was also going to lose its life shortly after. I mean, have you seen a quail?Look at that smug motherfucker. And that caption comes straight from the World Wildlife Fund website. I wouldn't add something like that.

Now, in comparison, let's take a look at the guy that Dick Cheney shot in the face.That caption was also not added by me. But I did get it from the International Circle Jerk World Series Championship roster web page so I assume that they're not actually talking about shotguns to the head in this case. Coincidenceries and confusundrances abound!

The White House released a statement saying that, provided all goes well, the man will be fine. Then, in a goodwill gesture, Mr. Cheney invited Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton, and his own lesbian daughter on his next hunting trip.