Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Doc Hollywood!

Rush Limbaugh, right-wing talk show host, drug addict and Heffalump, recently claimed that in a campaign ad for a Missouri senate candidate, Michael J. Fox was acting in portraying his Parkinson's symptoms in order to sway voters to vote for her and her support of stem cell research.

I think it's his best work since Back to the Future 3 when he had to pretend to play an 18-year-old when he was 30.

Finally Rush Limbaugh pulled the curtain back to expose this elaborate ruse for what it truly is. Michael J. Fox has been playing all of us, America and the world, all for his own personal benefit. You know, so he could have charity hockey games to support his foundation and, um, speak to congress about raising money for stem cell research and, um, Back to the Future 4: Stem Cellin' It Up in 2155!

To be fair, Rush Limbaugh has been mistaken about other "politcal ploys" as well. He did downplay September 11th by calling the Twin Towers, "A couple of flimsy buildings that were probably going to fall over anyway. Making buildings that tall goes against science. It's in the Bible."

On November 22, 1963, he claimed that John F. Kennedy had arranged to have a good portion of his head blown off in order to lobby congress to pass strict gun control legislation.

Even with the recent Mark Foley sex scandal, Rush Limbaugh had this to say about the page with whom Mr. Foley was accused of exchanging dirty emails and instant messages. "That 16-year-old boy has delicious, supple, smooth and irresistible balls. No man, gay or straight, could be blamed for wanting to roll them between his fingers. The Democrats want you to believe that there's something wrong with it, but I challenge any of you to get within sniffing distance of that beautiful hairless beanbag and not ask the boy if he has jerked off lately."

I have a conspiracy theory of my own. I believe that there is another faker in our midst. Rush Limbaugh must be exaggerating his own stupidity because there is no way anybody could be that absolutely fucking retarded without putting a whole lot of effort into it.

The End?
(cue Huey Lewis and the News song)

1 comment:

Phil said...

Dear Kurtsy,

It's good to know someone out there hates Rush Limbaugh more than I do. If it turns out I'm wrong and there is a hell, my only comfort will be that this douchebag will be roasting there right along side me.

Hugs and kisses,