Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Taft to Blame for Lack of Pudding in White House Refrigerator!

In a recent statement by White House spokesman Tony Snow, he has made it abundantly clear that the current President, George W. Bush, is not to be held responsible for the shortage of the delicious dessert on White House property.

"Taft had a notorious soft spot for pudding and neither him nor his staff did anything to rectify the situation. Where were you all 95 years ago when it first became a problem?"

Members of the Senate backed up Mr. Snow's statement. John McCain had this to say on the floor earlier today: "Pudding? You all want pudding? I wanted pudding in Nam when they were sticking bamboo chutes in my fingernails trying to get information from me. The only thing I could think of the entire time? Fucking Taft."

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, a man who has obviously seen his share of pudding, had a comment on the situation as well. "Our current administration cannot be held responsible for its refrigeratory actions. They did everything in their power to prevent the pudding shortage, but, let's face it, the deficit left by Taft is too great for any one or 16 subsequent administrations to overcome."

John Edward, the world-famous medium, not to be confused with the former presidential and vice-presidential candidate and Tiger Beat cover boy John Edwards, was asked for his assistance in contacting Taft's Chief of Staff. This is what Mr. Edward said: "I'm getting somebody. His first name, I think it starts with a J or an L or a Q or the number 7. Does that sound familiar? He's sending roses. That means he's showing you his love. He wants me to tell you that he is sorry about the bathtub. I don't know what that means; he just wants me to say that. He also wants me to let you know that--wow, he was stubborn, wasn't he? It's like he's pulling me like, 'Listen to me.' Oh, Taft's chief of staff wasn't like that in life? Well, in death that side of him is really coming out. That happens sometimes. Sometimes they're one way when they're alive and then, when they're dead, they're like a completely different person. It's so weird. Anyway, he also wants me to let you know that it's not Taft's fault. He says Grover Cleveland started it. And, oh, wait. Grover Cleveland is coming through now and he says it wasn't him. It was Millard Fillmore. Oh, wait. Millard Fillmore's here now and he's blaming it on George Washington. Things are getting crowded I--now George Washington is here. All he's saying is, 'Fucking Indians.'"


Phil said...

Damn you and your allegorical stories, Kurt.

It's like a modern version of Pilgrim's Progress up in here lately, only without all the silly relgious connotations.

eob said...

Love the new title bar.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kurt,
Found you while surfing.
A late coment on Russell Crowe,
He is a New Zealander,not Australian.
We Australians would prefer to be represented by someone with a little more consideration for others,some of us have heard him try to sing.
Real fair dinkem Aussie