My Wish Is My Command!

I was having a conversation with somebody at work today over Instant Messenger (because that's the only way I have conversations now--Instant Messenger and telegraph) and I realized that there are a lot of things that I want to make happen at some point in my life.

For instance, I'm sitting with a group of people outside a Starbucks and they're having a conversation and I'm just sitting there silent--"Too silent," the survivors would later say to authorities. So, they're talking about how that new show Heroes is pretty good and somebody else is disagreeing saying it's too derivative of Lost. Well, at that point, it's time. I cry to the heavens, "Release the lions!" and bursting through the glass from inside the Starbucks come two full-grown lions who haven't eaten in a week. They both pause and shake glass from their luxurious manes and let out roars that would make the MGM lion quake in his golden frame or whatever that is that his head is in.

I throw my grappling hook (which I also completely need to own and carry with me on a regular basis) to the roof just as I yell for the ferocious animals to come forth and I make a hasty retreat before I am mauled like my former friends.

I would fake friendship with somebody for up to five years if I was promised that, at the end of that five years, I would be able to have this happen. Just a note to those with whom I've been friends for less than five years: You would probably be better off not handling large quantities of raw meat before hanging out with me. Fair warning.

And you all can rest assured knowing that there are plenty more ideas like this where this one came from (the greatest part of my brain: my mind).

Also, one more unrelated thing. I want to thank my friend Ryan for making me the spiffy new banner you all see up top. It only cost me $1,500; it was worth every penny.