Friday, November 19, 2004

Black People Hate Each Other!

The other night at the Vibe Awards, some guy reached out and punched Dr. Dre in his smelly face right before he was going to receive a lifetime achievement award. The lifetime achievement award for rappers is living past 40. Thank you very much, I write for Jay Leno. Anyway, then somebody in 50 Cent's posse decided that "ain't no nigga gonna punch Dre in the face for free" and proceeded to stab that guy. Whatever happened to the message we all learned in You Got Served? If you've got a problem with somebody, you don't stick him with a filed down toothbrush, you dance like you've never danced that guy. Stabbings heal, but getting outdanced, that lasts forever.

In "I fucking hate religious-right morons" news, people are mad because on Monday Night Football the other night some woman's naked back was exposed in front of Terrell Owens as part of a promotion for ABC's show Desperate Housewives. People wrote in and are so angry because of this. Seriously. I'll bet if the football player was white, they'd be fine with it all. Instead, since it's a black guy, the entire South actually emailed torches and pitchforks to ABC's corporate offices. I hope that next week Terrell Owens sodomizes Barbara Bush in front of America.

Also, Clinton's Presidential Library opened up today. Sorry, I'm still auditioning for Jay Leno, so you probably don't want to read the next sentence. Clinton's library is the only Presidential Library to carry The Kama Sutra. Well, I just stabbed myself in the throat with a pen.

Star Jones got married over the weekend to some guy who likes money. Well, he either likes money or he really wants to become a member of the Hutt crime family and there's no better way to become a part than to marry the boss. Boba Fett was reported to be a no-show for the wedding. An entry in his weblog from the day before the wedding may lend some help in figuring out why:

Hey guys. Today really sucks. :( I had to go out and track down some guy on Naboo and it was really hard. It was all hot and stuff and I forgot to put on deodorant so I totally didn't want to go near anybody. You guys know how that goes. Anyway, you know that guy I've been telling you about that I had a crush on? Well, it turns out that he's totally going to get married to somebody else tomorrow. He sees how hard I work for him and, remember that night I told you guys about--when our hands accidentally touched--it turns out that that was all in my mind. I mean, I've known him forever and always thought we'd end up together. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can go tomorrow. *sigh* Well, I'm going to go burn some sage and go to sleep. :*(

Interesting thought of the day:
When Bob Barker tells you to have your pet spayed or neutered, he only does that because nothing turns him on more than a dog with his lipstick out.

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