Monday, November 01, 2004

Election Eve!

Let me start this off by saying that I am such a fucking dork. That's my thesis statement. The following sentences should be support for my thesis statement, and here they are. I'm such a fucking dork because tomorrow I have three classes, a midterm in my first, and I'm not going to go to my other two classes because I want to watch all the news I can about the election. Seriously. I'm sitting here typing this, and I have that weird, excited feeling in my stomach like Santa Claus is about to drop off presents in my house ("Santa Claus" is the nickname for a one-legged, Columbian, male prostitute--you do the rest of the work).

I am positive that John Kerry will win the election tomorrow. I'm more positive than a swab of Magic Johnson's asshole. The only thing that would hinder his winning is if some really corrupt shit went down. I wouldn't put that above G.W.B's administration, but I don't even think that they can stack the votes that far in their favor. I'm normally the most pessimistic asshole you'd ever meet, but, for some reason, I actually have some semblance of faith in the American people. They all can't possibly be that stupid to re-elect Bush. I hope that I'm right about this almost as much as I hoped the Red Sox would lose the World Series. Almost. We have to have our priorities, people.

Another quick update on that idiot from my class. I emailed him to ask him what his problem was, and he sent back a thing about how he has to take everything seriously. I don't know how ethical it would be to post the entire thing, so I won't do that. Yeah, me, a guy who earlier made a remark about getting a swab of Magic Johnson's HIV-infested anal tissue, has a problem with copying and pasting an email from a total douche bag. Well, I wrote a really long email back to him some time over the weekend, and never heard back from him again. I won't bore you with what I wrote but to paraphrase, it went like this, "YOU ARE A DUMMY AND I AM THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD! THE THREE PEOPLE THAT READ MY WEBLOG TOLD ME SO!" I'm quite the silver-tongued devil. My way with words is comparable to Mike Tyson on GHB.

That's all for now. I'm off to try to sleep so, when I wake up in the morning, Santa will have brought me a new president.

Interesting thought of the day:
You know how you can pinch the skin on your elbow as hard as you can and it never hurts? It doesn't work the same way on your taint.


Anonymous said...

You sir, have much more faith in the American people than I do. I think that's mainly because any confidence I had in Kerry getting elected was shattered tonight during my Philosophy class as we covered political philosophy and the raging republicans reared their ugly heads in response to such topics are partial birth abortion and stem cell research. Ironically, these people are also way over the top Christians and you'd think they'd just come out against the topic of abortion on the whole. On the opposite side of the spectrum though we had a bio-ethicist in the class, which did keep things amusing.


Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

Giant Douche - X
Turd Sandwich -