Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Well, after a night filled with furious masturbation while weeping openly and loudly, I woke up this morning hoping the night before had all been a horrible, horrible dream. I thought that I'd been stirred from this nightmare this morning when I awoke to the sound of what I thought was a door creaking loudly. See, where I live, in a motherfucking city with houses, cars, pollution and shit, sometimes the door of a neighbor can perhaps creak too loudly. Then, after I'd been awake a few minutes, I heard the sound again. Well, I think, that's much too loud to just be a door, what is it? I look out toward my neighbor's house on the left and nobody's home. I go to look out toward the neighbor's house on the right and I see what the sound is. A fucking black rooster was standing on my front porch pecking at the Welcome mat. I live in a goddamn city, there are no fucking chickens, hens, or other livestock within probably at least twenty miles of where I live. Yet, as I looked out toward my front porch, a fucking rooster stared back at me.

I'm convinced that this is a sign of the Apocalypse. See, I figured that this was the same giant black cock that raped the election results last night. Now it was at my house to take what it could get from me. Trust me, this isn't the first time a big black cock has been waiting for me on my doorstep, but this is the first time that I didn't have to pay for it.

This is all a sign of things to come. Now with Bush on board for four more years, the surreal shit's going to start happening to me. Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and I'm going to have a fucking pouch like a marsupial. Then, the next day I'll go to walk outside and realize that the giant sandworms are after me. It's like that weird goddamn film, Mulholland Drive, that I've been talking about lately has taken over my fucking life. By the way, I've got more shit about a different pretentious fuckball from that class who decided he wanted to try to prove how awesome he is, but I think I'll save that for tomorrow when I haven't written as much and a fucking rooster doesn't wind up on my front porch.

Does somebody want to explain to me what the rooster on my front porch means? I'm scared and don't think I can go to sleep again. I'm going to head out to my truck in the morning, pull open the door and blood will come pouring out. I'm telling you, this is some fucked up shit going on and I blame it all on Bush. Maybe this was his way of telling me to suck his cock for being such a Hippy? It's kind of like the Godfather, but instead of a horse's head in the bed, it's a rooster on the front porch. I could expect that kind of confusion from Bush.

Interesting thought of the day:
I'm afraid to make something up here because it will probably come true tomorrow morning.


Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

What does it all mean? Well, here's what I found:

To see chickens, symbolizes cowardliness and a lack of willpower. Chickens also represent excessive chatter and gossip. Listen closely to what people may be saying about you or what you are saying about others.

Black symbolizes the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, hate or malice. If the feeling is one of joy, blackness could imply hidden spirituality and divine qualities.

To see a rooster, indicates that you or someone is being a show-off. It is an indication of cockiness and arrogance. You have little or no regards for others. To hear a rooster, symbolizes bragging and self-glorification. To see roosters fighting, signifies rivalry and quarreling.

So, I will attempt to sum this up for you......

You are a sissy little bitch, talking shit about some guy in your class. You are so angered by his stupidity, that you feel that you must show off by taking pictures of your cock and posting them on the internet.

Does that sound about right?

jaxun said...

Seriously, Jimbo has a point.

We don't want to hear about little Mr. BitchyPants again... unless you're willing to post pictures of yourself stuffing that black cock in your virtual girlyhole.

It's not funny like you make pedo and necro and a bunch of other phelias I can't think of right now. We need that funny now more than ever!

We need that "Fuck the Apocalypse" attitude you clearly have the capacity to express.

And COCKADOODLEDOOM was brilliant.

Drew said...

I thought the red states voted against big black cocks last Tuesday.

Adam and Eve, not Adam and Poultry.