Fall TV Preview!

Oh, Fall. You glorious mistress. You come every year promising a television lineup that will knock my socks off, and, every year, my socks stay on--hard.

This year I came wearing those socks that old men wear that have those straps connected to their knees to hold them up. But I won't be needing those.

Sunday
Sunday night on Fox, right after the Simpsons, comes The War at Home. It stars uber-wigger Michael Rapaport as a dad who says inappropriate things and sometimes doesn't get along with his wife and kids. Fox: Where originality gets raped during Prime Time.

Not to be outdone, The WB has decided to do some damage of its own on Jesus Day with Blue Collar TV. This show was on last year on Friday nights and was replayed on Comedy Central more often than PCU. If The War at Home is the rape of originality, Blue Collar TV is the bloody, steel-toed boot-induced abortion of humor. If you could take chewing tobacco spit and somehow make it into a TV show, this would be the result.

Monday
Since apparently doctors and lawyers are the most exciting professions in existence and can never have enough shows about them, Monday gives you two more to watch and realize you'll never actually be one.

Just Legal is Doogie Howser in a court house. But, the good thing about this show is that it also stars Crockett as a fat lawyer who takes Doogie Lawyer under his fat wing. Also, his hair is kind of feathered, so watch it for that.

Then there's Out of Practice which is about what would happen if Rizzo and Fonzie got married, had kids who became doctors, and then got divorced. But, it doesn't look like it holds true to their characters because, from what I've seen, there are zero leather jackets and Pinky Tuscadero doesn't even make an appearance in the first season; to me that's a given.

Tuesday
Commander In Chief is ABC's spin on what would happen if a woman ran the White House. This is reminiscent of the fantasy-themed television shows of the late Sixties like I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched because we all know that this will never actually happen. As the Presidentress of the United States, Geena Davis has to try to not cry because she's feeling fat or because Iraq is being mean to her. I, for one, hope she goes all Cutthroat Island on their asses.

And, the show with the too-ironic-for-its-own-good title, The Biggest Loser, is back. It's kind of like The Swan except this show doesn't consume your soul if you watch it.

Also, one of the best shows (aside from my favorite, Arrested Development) that nobody watches, The Office, is back much to my surprise and excitement. It's not as good as the British version of the show with the same name, but it's still remarkably funny and well written. It's the exact opposite of this weblog.

Part 2 Coming Soon!

Interesting thought of the day:
Clowns ejaculate confetti.