Pat Robertson Finally Denied Request By God!

Since having his second wish granted (the death of Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist), well-known televangelist Pat Robertson was denied his final wish of "a million more wishes."

The "million more" request was first attempted almost 2000 years ago when god's own son, who wasted his first two wishes trying to impress some people with parlor tricks involving water (both the transformation of and walking on), wished for more wishes. Since then, it has been strictly forbidden and, in fact, is what got Hitler killed.

Upon hearing this news, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, has locked himself in a room wearing one of those grizzly bear-proof suits.

Sorry about all of the current event stuff lately. There's just been so much good stuff going on and it's fun to write. Plus, I like to prove to people that, contrary to having thoughts about wanting to see one robot rape another one (something I've never actually verbalized until now), that I actually have some semblance of a normal human psyche and am capable of putting together mildly intelligent satire.

I'm going to Vegas this weekend, though, so hopefully I come back with more stories about midgets telling the casino, "Fuck you guys!"

Interesting thought of the day:
Bouncers don't care about losing tickle fights.