Monday, September 26, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Creepy Man-Boy!

A friend of mine that I've known since before hair was on my balls (our balls), recently sent me a few pictures from when we were younger. Upon seeing the pictures, I realized the reason it was rare for girls my age to find me anything but "adorable," but the Girl Scout Troop in the Star Tours line at Disneyland was in love with me: I never look as old as I am.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it anymore. But, when you're younger and you want to convince a girl your age that, though you look like you're nine years old, you're actually her age and she should totally let you make out with her, it's pretty tough. I was kind of like Lucas.

Here is photographic evidence:Before you ask, the people in the picture with me (two of whom read this blog, one of whom is the guy who sent me the picture) actually do look like that. It's an offshoot of that disease that makes little kids look like old people.

But that's me in the middle. You know, the one that looks kind of like a modern day hobbit. Yes, I know how awesome my hair is. How old would you think I was in this picture? Ten? Wait, I said that I look younger than I appear, so I was probably 12. Nope, that would be wrong as well. I was 15. That's right. I was less than a year from being eligible to drive a car, but I could still get in to movies for the child's price.

To give you a frame of reference, that picture was about 12 years ago and I look much older now.Yep, I'm 27 and this is what I look like. Not too long ago I was carded for a rated-R movie. In about ten years, I'll be able to score some legal chicks when I finally look their age, but my penis will no longer work*.

Maybe, if you folks are lucky, I'll post some of the most embarrasing pictures of my formative years. As the guy who sent me this picture put it, with my "thin, rapist mustache."

*It has never worked. In fact, it's a weird gray color.

Interesting thought of the day:
Why is it that, even when nobody is around, when I switch out the paper towel tube in the kitchen, on the way to the trash can I have to do the "Sanford & Son" theme song into the tube?


David Amulet said...

The key question is whether you sing, hum, or fart the tune. Amateur psychologists, have a field day with that one.

-- d.a.

Buttics said...

If you're posting more pictures, bring back the picture of the Mexican wrestling mask. That picture kept me up at nights*

*Not because I was afraid, but because I couldn't stop touching myself while I thought about you giving a pile driver.

Alyssa Castillo said...

Oh, the good old days! You sure did keep us laughing all night long... so much so, that we all slept through the entire parade! I think the highlight was the story you acted out with Ryan's shoes on your hands. I believe it consisted of two men having a duel by shooting arrows through their adam's apples at one another. Wow, you were a weird child. As we can see, so much has changed!

nick said...

i know how you feel man, my drivers licence picture was taken when i was 17 and i look 10. heres to "youll like it when youre older." i wish middle schoolers werent the only ones that hit on me. i need a hug.