Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Beating a dead horse, freezing it, and making it a delicious treat!

Since, once again, life is boring and nothing is going on, I'm going to pull from the headlines around the world and comment on them.

In Japan, an exciting thing has happened--a revolution in confectionary delights! Japan, known for harnessing the power of the Playstation, tentacle porn, and karaoke, has developed a delicious new flavor of ice-cream that is sure to sweep the nation.

Japanese ice-cream lovers have swapped traditional flavours such as raspberry ripple for something a little more exotic - horse-flesh.

This is good news for all of the dinosaurs in the world. I know that dinosaurs and horses never coexisted, but I assume if dinosaurs and horses did ever live together, there would have been a lot of horses being eaten by them. Unless dinosaurs were smarter than I'm giving them credit for and they would ride the horses.
The new flavours are being promoted by the Japan Ice-Cream Association which has set up a summer trade fair.
There's a Japan Ice-Cream Association. There are people that exist in Japan whose job it is to decide the fate of the country's ice-cream supply. I guarantee you that they make like a million Japanese moneys a year. I work harder than they do and I don't make nearly as much Japanese moneys.

Here's the part of the article where I make wonderful puns about the ice-cream flavor.
  • This ice-cream sure would be good if you're feeling a little hoarse! (read it like "horse" and it is hilarious)
  • And that's all I have.
Judging by the lack of comments to my article about retarded ghosts, I can only come to a couple of different conclusions.
  1. The only people that read my blog are retarded and, thus, offended by what I wrote.
  2. Everybody who normally reads my blog went on a trip to Peru to buy a kidney on the black market and they'd rather not talk about it right now. (This one is most likely)
  3. You've all stopped reading because I've fallen in love with making lists on this thing.
I'm really tired and I don't think this article had as much punch as it normally does. I'd say the amount of punch in this article is roughly equivalent to the amount of punch a man would probably give to his wife's stomach upon finding out she's pregnant. You know--just enough to get the job done, but not enough to kill you.

Interesting thought of the day:
The expression, "Everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings" from the film It's a Wonderful Life was originally written as "Everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings or a woman decides to try anal for the first time." This was scrapped at the last minute when the director, Frank Capra, decided to ditch the sexually-explicit ending in favor of one that would get a better rating. Jimmy Stewart later added this line in to the film Harvey.

No comments last time so a puppy has died a horrible death. It actually wasn't that horrible, I let him think he was going outside, but instead I threw him in the oven. So, please, comment below about whatever and I'll try to incorporate it into a future entry. Or you can always email me.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rather than threaten to kill puppies if no comments are posted, have you considered killing horses instead?

That way you either get comments or the raw materials for icecream! Its a win-win situation.

Flesh said...

"I'd say the amount of punch in this article is roughly equivalent to the amount of punch a man would probably give to his wife's stomach upon finding out she's pregnant. You know--just enough to get the job done, but not enough to kill you."

Oh shit!!!!!!!! hhahahaa... im rolling!!

theFrog said...

You realize that 1 million Japanese moneys (how about we do something crazy and call them Yen) is not even $10k, right?

I suggest a new job if you don't make more than that in a year.

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

I would like to comment, but I have nothing to say about the yumminess (yes, "yumminess") of horse flavored ice cream.

But I think you are right, dinosaurs would have loved the stuff.

And for the record, they did exist at the same time.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5001/5001_01.asp

I read it in this cartoon, so it must be true.

Kurt said...

Mo/Tiralle, I was being sarcastic about the Japanese moneys thing--of course I know it's called Yen and it takes a lot of them to equal one American dollar. Sometimes, in a desperate bid to write something that may contain a little bit of humor, I dumb down or change things from the literal so that they take on a different meaning. It's a little thing I do here. You may want to reread everything I've written and think of some things as, perhaps, being tinged with a hint of sarcasm. It'll blow your mind.

theFrog said...

You might wanna consider i was being sarcastic, too. It happens sometimes.