Sunday, July 25, 2004

Patrick Swayze is a Liar!

While I was doing my daily three-hour meditation today, my mind wandered into the idea of whether or not ghosts actually exist. After an intense three hours, I've decided, and will convince you if you do believe in ghosts, that they do not exist.

There are tons of stories about ghosts. "Ghosts raped me in my sleep." "Ghosts moved around my picture frames and told me to pour gallons of milk all over old people." "Ghosts murdered my wife and her friend out front of my house and threw blood all over my white Ford Bronco." Out of all the stories you've heard of ghosts, you've never heard about retarded ghosts. You never hear about somebody who had an encounter with a ghost that went like this:

"Boooooo! HAHAHAHAHAHA! My pants make chocolate!" The ghost scurries away bumping into walls and giggling.

There are no retarded ghosts! This, in effect, proves that ghosts do not exist. I do, however, have a couple of ways that this could be proved false.

  • If I learn that retarded people are immortal.
  • If I see a retarded person die and he leaves no body, but simply fades away like a Jedi.
  • If somebody can convince me that retarded people are incapable of being ghosts because they are, in fact, not people, but pixies.
These are the only things that would convince me otherwise. Until then, I will continue to believe that either the mentally handicapped are a soulless people, or ghosts don't exist. I do think that it would be great if all retards were immortal because I can just imagine a Highlander-esque kind of battle involving lots of drooling and giant-headedness.

"There can be only one! I bought a pirate! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Interesting thought of the day:
The first raffle was held in 33 A.D. The first prize given out was a $10 Gift Certificate to the Olive Garden. The grand prize? A box of Jesus.

Comment below and convince me that either there are retarded ghosts, or other reasons that it would be acceptable to believe that retarded people can't be ghosts. Or you can email me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Today, after my daily 8 to 10 minute meditation (aka making number 2), I've decided that your theory of retarded people being soulless is the more logical explanation to your no "special people ghost" theory. Let's face it, dead or alive most retarded people don't matter. They deserve it...oh yeah midgets too. Yeah I know but at least you're going to hell with me. P.S. I knew a guy who got a hug from one once before he donated blood, it's was great.