Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Iran, you smug motherfucker!

This gets political, so, some of you (Ryan) may not want to read this one.

Well, looks like Bush wants to move on from the overwhelming success he's had thus far in Iraq and throw more dead teenagers at Iran. He'll really show them, just like he did to Iraq. I mean, the proof's in the pudding, Iran may have, accidentally, at one point, let some terrorists pass through their country before September 11.

What a bunch of dirty motherfuckers. You're going to feel the heat of an angry president with no sort of reasoning or access to the more complex, "human," thought processes. Having George W. Bush as president is like leaving a monkey in a room with a box of ninja stars and forty live chickens and expecting to open that door in a week and find everything in the room the way you left it. Then, when somebody asks the monkey why he did what he did, he poops in his hand and throws it at them.

I heard the real reason Bush is going to send the troops into Iran is so he can complete the "totally kick-ass" new rollercoaster that he's going to have built going from Afghanistan all the way to Iraq and, since Iran's in the middle, that's just as collateral damage. That W, he sure does love his coasters.

I just saw a commercial for Spider-Man 2, which I saw a while ago, but Doctor Octopus's robotic arms just reminded me of something. They look like metal versions of those paper things that girls would make in elementary school. You know, those things that would have numbers on the four panels, they'd tell you to pick a number, they'd swish it around, then pick a color, they swish it more according to the letters in the color you pick, then, finally, pick a panel and then they'd lift the tab to reveal to you something insanely interesting like, "You have cooties" or, as my mom called it, "Feline AIDS." The first documented case in humans, thank you very much. I liked Spider-Man 2, but it would have been cooler if that's what Doctor Octopus was chasing everybody around for--just to play his game with him. "Where's Spider-Man? He picked a number, but then he left, he has to PICK A COLOR!"

Interesting thought of the day:
Hammers were originally named such because they were made from pigs.

The naked massage sweepstakes is over with the winners being nobody (or everybody if you've seen me naked). The new contest will begin with this post. Those who comment may be entered in a contest to receive an original haiku on the topic of their choice as long as I receive 3 or more original comments per entry. This doesn't mean that the entries themselves have to be original, as I doubt my readers are capable of much more than repeating some mid-80's catch phrase like, "Cousin Larry, let's do the dance of joy!" What I do want are comments from 3 different people. Or, if you don't like clicking anything online that says submit because "you're not a pussy," you can email me.

3 comments:

theFrog said...

Naked backrubs (not from you) are WAYYY better than haikus. But I'd much rather have a clothed haiku from you than a naked backrub, so here's a comment.

I probably won't win... again.

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

Hi Toon! I saw this pictuire and knew that you would enjoy it much more than anyone else I know.

http://www.nata2.info/humor/pictures/godkills.jpg

Flesh said...

"I liked Spider-Man 2, but it would have been cooler if that's what Doctor Octopus was chasing everybody around for--just to play his game with him. "Where's Spider-Man? He picked a number, but then he left, he has to PICK A COLOR!""

HAHA!