Crap in the Cup

Just a couple of minutes ago, I was drinking a big old glass of hearty American milk. You know it's American milk and not German because it knows it's white and good, but it doesn't go bragging about it or killing Jewish people. Anyway, as I was drinking it out of my blue tupperware cup, I got near the bottom and found that there was something in the bottom of the cup. It was some mucuous-like substance that was nestled in the bottom corner of that cup. I can't tell whether it was already white before I began drinking from the glass or if it turned white by growing up in Montana.

Many things go through one's mind when this happens.

First, I thought to myself, Did I check the bottom of the glass? I always check the bottom of the glass. Then, convincing myself that what I just imbibed was not completey disgusting, I think to myself, Well, the milk didn't taste any different so it can't be that bad. Next I start to wonder if the thing that was stuck to the bottom of the cup actually came from the milk itself or, somehow it came from me. Finally, realizing it's useless and that there's nothing I can do about it, I decide to cut open my chest and pinch off my esophagus before the milk can make its way into my stomach. See, because there are times when one has to realize that there's ALWAYS something that they can do about it.

I write this sitting in my hospital bed on suicide watch because the paramedics and police don't quite seem to understand what I'm talking about. THERE WAS SOMETHING GROSS INSIDE MY GLASS OF MILK! How hard is that to understand?

Interesting thought of the day:
The xylophone is the musical instrument that is attributed to garnering the least amount of vagina. The most? Surprisingly (or not for those of you who play it), the sitar.

Comment below (you can comment anonymously if you like) and Jesus will love you, or you can email me and Jesus will kind of think that you're cool for a few minutes.