Fall TV Preview (Cunt.)!

I've always wondered why they abbreviated continued like that. Anyway.

Wednesday
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart is for people who like the regular Apprentice, but wish Donald Trump had a vagina that was neatly trimmed and filled with potpourri.

Wednesday wouldn't be complete without something that every other day of the week has: a lawyer show! This one is different, though. This one is about two lawyers (Adam Goldberg and Chris O'Donnell) who start their own firm yet they both have strange, contrasting personality traits. Chris O'Donnell's character has a penchant for public masturbation while reciting court decisions in Latin and Adam Goldberg's character is a quirky "rehabilitated" pedophile. Let the comedy-mitzvah begin!

And, finally, Wednesday night sees the show that I've only seen in my head for the past five years finally come to fruition. That's right, ABC's Freddie is about the black hole of charisma, charm, and talent, Freddie Prinze Jr., as a guy who lives in a house with his family. Sound hilarious? Wait. Making his triumphant return to television is Brian Austin Green. He must have been waiting for the right script, so I have to trust that this show is going to knock it out of the park.

Thursday
There aren't a lot of new shows coming on Thursday, but that's because they're all afraid they're going to get destroyed by the comedy supernova that is Joey. He has managed to lose all but one-fourth the audience of Friends all within a one year timespan. Those are Freddie Prinze Jr. numbers, baby!

Friday
You know how much you love Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs? Well, at least The Ghost Whisperer has that going for it. Yep, it's actually called The Ghost Whisperer. Because, you see, much like the similarly titled book about horses, Jennifer Love Hewitt tames wild ghosts by talking softly to them and giving them huge boners. It's exactly the same as Highway to Heaven. I know Michael Landon gave me a full-on robot chubby.

Interesting thought of the day:
No matter how heartfelt, girls hate poems you write for them where you rhyme "rabies" and "scabies."