Wednesday, November 02, 2005

New Hall of Fame Opens Amid Rabid Protest!

The Hall of Fame has become the mark at which members of a given profession aspire to reach in order to solidify their place in history. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The Baseball Hall of Fame. The Inventors Hall of Fame. A high level of esteem and respect is given to anybody who manages to be inducted into the aforementioned hallowed halls.

Recently, however, a new Hall of Fame has opened in Palm Springs, California that many people find to be grossly inappropriate. The National Institute for Celebrating Evil (NICE) has opened its latest installment in poorly themed Hall of Fames.

The Child Molester's Hall of Fame opened Monday despite countless death threats to its curators. This "only made them hotter."Their Fondletron 3000 is a machine programmed to perfectly simulate some of the most famous child molestations in history. Always wondered what it would be like on the set with Roman Polanski? Wonder no longer. They even have a giraffe handy for their "Neverland Ranch" scenario.

But famous child molestations is not the purpose of the Hall of Fame. According to the founders, who wish to remain anonymous, it's to bring attention to the landmarks in their favorite pastime.

For instance, an entire section of the Hall sponsored by NAMBLA (The North American Man Boy Love Association) and Jamba Juice (in what can only be categorized as a misguided advertising decision) is devoted to the "Good Ole Days" in Ancient Rome when men and young pre-pubescent boys were allowed to cavort freely in bathhouses in the most primal of ways. In case you're interested, this area is called "The Arist-toddler and Socra-tease Wing."

And, finally, when one enters the Hall, they are greeted by the face of "modern day" child molestation, Thaddeus T. Barrington, and one of his famous sayings enshrined on a very large plaque.

If young children weren't meant to be used for our own perverse sexual desires, the Lord God shouldn't have made them so adorable--and physically weak.

The price of admission is $10 for adults and, of course, children are free.

For those wishing to check out other inappropriate buildings NICE has erected, you can visit the following:
The White Power Water Park in Huntington Beach, California (No matter how wrong the message of this theme park, Slide Fuhrer is awesome).
The Annual Naked Fat Guy Parade And Art Show in Duluth, Minnesota.
And
The Purposefully Handicapped Inaccessible Building or No Legs, No Service in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

1 comment:

this one girl.... said...

wow, you REALLY need a damn job! but, you're great on photoshop!