Wednesday, November 30, 2005

About Face!

Fuck me. I just wrote an entire, hilarious post about this and my damn browser crashed when I tried to post it.


A doctor in France performed the first facial transplant. Umm, awesome! You can't spell France without face, bitches.

The woman who received the transplant was just walking down the street by a cafe and a guy selling long bread, smoking a cigarette, not shaving her armpits and probably stinking a lot when a dog came out, barked "Le woof! Le woof!" and attacked her in the face. And, of course, being French, at the first sign of any force against her, the woman just surrendered to the dog. Then they both laughed and laughed at old Jerry Lewis movies.

Okay, no more French jokes! On to the inappropriate sodomy! Probably not surprising to most of you, that's not even close to the first time that those two sentences have been said by me.

The face was removed from a braindead woman. The orderly who regularly engaged in inappropriate sexual intercourse with the woman was quoted as saying, "I don't care. You don't fuck the face! Oui! Oui!" It's strange that he would say this publicly.

If I could receive a face transplant from anybody, I think It would probably have to be from David Faustino, Bud from Married...With Children. This is for two reasons: 1) I'm not a very tall fellow, but he was pretty damn short. Whenever people would see me, they would always say, "Wow. You're much taller than I thought you would be." and 2) I could finally get people to call me Grandmaster B.

Or, I would have them remove my face and leave it all gross looking. I could so easily become a Supervillian. People would be like, "That guy's such a dick." "Yeah, but have you seen his face? I completely understand." People probably say that about me now anyway.

For all we know, Asian people could have been doing face transplants for years, but we would never know because they all look the same. I'm kidding, they don't all look the same; some of their eyes go up on the corners and others down. But they all would have eaten the fuck out of that dog before it was able to mangle their face.

Interesting thought of the day:
Girls wear lipstick because, without it, how else would they mark every cup in your apartment as their territory? They would have to resort to urination. And that's just hot gross.


fracturedfanatic said...

that elicits a big EEWWW- no not the face transplant, the comment about women marking their territory. :)

deleted said...

haha... hello kurtoon. when you're talking about the eyes, can you say chinese/japanese and not asian because asian does not mean only chinks and japs.

Kurt said...

Asian makes for a better joke--so no. If you couldn't tell, I don't necessarily aim for political correctness in what I type (unless you know something that I don't about black women actually being made from chocolate cake and attitude).

Kurt is sooo funny said...

No way, your face is charming.