Wednesday, November 09, 2005

New Professor at Kansas Schools: Jesus!

As you probably know by now, the Kansas School Board has elected, by a 6-4 margin, to allow "Intelligent Design" to be taught in public schools as an alternative to Evolution.

But, relax, left-wing nutjobs! It's not religion. It's Intelligent Design. They're not saying, "Hey, maybe God created the Universe." No. They're saying, "Hey, maybe a god created the Universe." Doesn't that work much better? It's so open-minded. They're so liberal!

Sure, there's years and years of scientific study and research that prove to a very reasonable degree that the species on the planet have evolved over time. But, isn't there an equal chance that a unicorn fucked a dragon on top of a cloud made of pixies and their offspring was Baby Earth Jesus?

Sounds good to me.

On the heels of this decision, the Kansas School Board has also decided to adopt the song Dust in the Wind by the band Kansas into their teachings. This will now be known as Psalm 151 and will be totally kickass.

And, effective immediately, The Wizard of Oz will be shown in every science class as a documentary on how Kansas came to be. Children will learn that there was a time not long ago when monkeys could fly, lions could talk, and ruby slippers were something that could magically transport you home and not something that got your "queer ass" tied to the back of a pick-up truck and dragged until the gay came out of you.

I, for one, applaud Kansas for taking a stand in this age ruled by Science and reasoning. Who needs to know how things really work? Hell, that's all too confusing for me. You can take all day and try to explain to me why it is when I point the remote control at my TV and push some buttons it changes the channel. You can spew your mumbo jumbo about infrared signals and sensors, but, dude, you're starting to hurt my brain. I'd much rather believe that I am a wizard and the remote control is my magic wand; it's easier that way.

Abracadabra, Kansas! You just made eighty years of progress disappear.

Interesting thought of the day:
Santa Claus's beard is made from all of the first pubic hairs of every child on the planet.

4 comments:

Phil said...

While Kansas may have taken 80 years worth of steps back, we can still applaud the folks over in Pennsylvania for voting out 8 of the 9 schoolboard members who supported making Biology teachers say something to the effect that Darwin's Theory is just a theory and because of the complexity of life on earth it's likely that a higher power is responsible, not evolution.

I think we also need to applaud the foks over in Kansas for being such easy targets.

Supafreaky-E said...

This here's God country, boy. As Ned Flanders said, "There's things we don't WANT to know. Important things!" So take that science talk back to Europe or Asia where it belongs. I feel sorry for any kid going to Kansas public schools now who decides they want to go to med school later. They'll have to learn faith healing instead I guess.

Jimbo the Angry Clown said...

In related news......

Georgia has done away with all statistics classes and given all high school students a "Magic 8-ball".

tastyGIANT said...

I have one word for backers of intelligent design...Dinosaurs.