Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Neverending List of Surefire Pickup Lines!

I want this post to be a cumulative effort. I'm going to start off by listing some pickup lines that always work and you folks can contribute in the comments section. If I like them, I'll add them. And, this list is completely heterocentric, but, feel free to contribute dude-on-dude or chick-on-chick lines.

For guys to use:

  • This is the part of my pants where the boner sleeps and it's wake up time.
  • I'm like Peter Pan; I'll never grow up. And I'm sexually androgynous.
  • Whether you're there or not, my penis is going to be all about you tonight.
  • I'm positive that yesterday was the last time I'll ever wet my bed. Sleep with me now?
  • Are your legs tired? Because they will be once I chase you into the woods and murder you tonight.
  • Don't be afraid, that sensation you feel is love--and roofies--but mostly love.
  • I don't have any pickup lines to use on you, but my ventriloquist dummy Lester does (Note: this requires you to carry a black ventriloquist dummy with you wherever you go).
  • Got your clitoris! (This is just like the "got your nose" joke your uncle would do right after he touched your penis in the swimming pool, but before he touched your penis in your bedroom)
  • My mommy says I'm a good catch.
  • Hey, I like how you don't care about what you look like when you go out. It's carefree.
  • Wow, I like what you're doing to that pacifier, little girl.
  • You know what's a myth? STDs.
  • You have never seen a better collection of Star Trek figurines.
  • Are you a hooker? If not, you should be.
  • You know that movie where the guy fucks the pie? Totally doesn't feel like the real thing.
  • I can smell it; you're on your period, aren't you?
For Women to Use:
  • Want to have sex with me?
That's all I've got.

Interesting thought of the day:
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck just had a child. Shortly after giving birth, Jennifer disappeared never to be heard from again. This happens to everything Ben Affleck's ever been in.


theFrog said...

Piping in to give you feedback from your women readers (ok, reader since I'm probably the only one):

I have used that pick up line many, many times.

It has NEVER failed.


Setholonius said...

I'm an awesome dungeon-master.

(That's not a pickup line. I really am an amazing DM.)

Fuck me?

this one girl.... said...

from the other female reader, again, that line DOES NOT fail... neither does "I am really in the mood to give a blow job right now... any takers?"

Freakazojd said...

I just had a hystERECTomy. Giddy up.

Molly said...

Wow, kurt has THREE female readers?