Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Glorious Day!

I don't know why, but I woke up this morning and something just seemed better. The air was cleaner. The birds happier. The entire human race just better off. Then I took a big whiff of the air and realized why life was just so much better.

California killed a black guy last night!

Hooray! Huzzah! A guy who would be in jail for life is dead instead. That's good news for people who hate when other people are alive.

I actually heard somebody (I think it was Larry Elder) on some "news" program (maybe "Hannity & Colmes") say that the death penalty was not murder. He said that it was an execution and that those are completely different. And it's not "rape," it's "nonconsensual sex." That guy didn't steal that woman's car, he borrowed it indefinitely without intent to return (and ejaculated in the glove compartment). And that's not child pornography on my computer, I just really enjoy when fourteen-year-old boys bathe one another; I'm a stickler for cleanliness.

It's not that I don't think that "Tookie" Williams didn't do it. He's black; they're guilty of everything. I just disagree with the death penalty in general. Why is it even called the death penalty? A penalty is five minutes for high sticking or a week of detention for exposing yourself to the girl with her dead, unformed Siamese twin's extra mouth on her cheek from the Special Ed class. It's sort of a hefty penalty. It reminds me of the time in Fifth grade I misspelled the word dyspepsia at the District Spelling Bee leaving me to take third place (absolutely true), and, instead of ringing the bell to indicate a wrong answer as they normally do, the judge actually shat on his own hand, threw it at me, and yelled, "Now you eat that! Dummy! You eat it for being stupid!" (absolutely true).

This is my second death penalty-related post in as many weeks. With as politically active as I've been lately, I should probably run for office. You don't think any of these things I write would come back to haunt me, do you?

Interesting thought of the day:
The lethal injection that they gave Stanley "Tookie" Williams? Mayonnaise. Black people hate that shit.

1 comment:

this one girl.... said...

good god... you were in fifth grade and couldn't spell dyspepsia? don't you know that word is defined as the antithesis of a pepsi caffeine buzz? what kind of monster are you? that judge was too kind in his dealings with you... he probably felt sorry for your illiterate ass. couldn't spell dyspepsia... what is this world coming to!